Make time for GOD

Today is day 31, which ends the 31 day challenge. During this 31 day challenge I have done a lot of analyzing. When starting this challenge, I knew that it would be tough writing each day. I would have to find time to write each day, and my schedule was already jammed packed. Although my schedule was packed, I knew that I needed to do this challenge because I needed to draw closer to God. This challenge has helped me draw closer to God because it has allowed me to recognize issues and situations that prevent me from getting closer to him. 

Overall, the thirty day challenge has taught me that I should always make time to meditate and have some one on one time with the most important person in my life. I need to take time out of my schedule for God each day. Spending time with him will allow me to put things in to perspective and to release a lot of unwanted pressure. I must admit that this challenge has been my personal time with God. I have allowed him to use me throughout this process, and it has really been eye opening. 

I encourage each of you to find time throughout you day to spend it with only God. Choose to write, read, sing, or do whatever will clear your head. Just give God some personal time. Trust me when I say, that personal time will be life changing. You will feel renewed. You will get a boost of energy like no other. Make it a habit of giving him personal time. It may take waking a little earlier, going to bed a little later, or even taking time out of your lunch break. Where ever you find the time, give him that time, and watch how he works. 

When started the challenge, I said that I wanted to identify and work on flaws that are preventing me from getting closer to him. While I have discovered a lot of things, I am not completely there. The work must continue. I know that I am going to have to continue this journey. While the challenge ends today, I will make it a priority to give God his deserved time. I am not going to publish each day but I will make sure that I find ways to give him his time. So, I encourage each of you to make time for God every single day. 

Accept it or Move on

Have you ever been annoyed with a person until it was unbearable? If you could only change that one thing about a person, the world would be so much better. I'm sure we all have encountered people that we wanted to change. For some of us it could be family, friends, significant others, classmates, or coworkers. We adore the person, and may even love the person, but its one thing (maybe two or three) that annoys you to the core. If only you could change that one thing. You probably have went as far as nagging the person, and trying to convince them to change it. In most cases, the person will not change and it leaves you even more frustrated. Well, let's face it. We simply can't change people. People change because they want to change, and not because we want them  to change. 

Think about it. We do things that I am sure is annoying to others. Do we change just because the next person thinks we should change? There are also some things that we want to change about ourselves that we struggle with changing. Changing is not always easy. This is why we shouldn't try to force change on others. If someone is not who we want them to be or they do things that we don't like we must remember that they have to want to change those things. Would you change just because it was annoying to someone else? So, if you find yourself in a similar situation, you either accept it or move on. 

First, you can choose to accept the person for who they are. Sometimes you have to accept people as a whole, with flaws and all. Keep in mind, we all have flaws and I am sure that you do some annoying things as well. Complaining or getting bent out of shape over it will not help the situation or make it better. It will only have you upset, while the person will continue doing what you are upset over. Instead of focusing on it, accept it and get over it. Don't think about what they do to annoy you, focus on the good things. Don't waste you time thinking that your anger or nagging will change the person or issue. 

Second, you can choose to move on. You have the choice of being around the person. You can choose to cease all dealings with the person or limit them. This means that if you feel that whatever the person is doing is unbearable, you have the choice of whether you want to deal with it. You are not forced to put up with the behavior. So, if you feel that you can't accept it. Move on and prevent the anger, blow ups, and nervous breakdown. 

So, instead of getting upset when someone doesn't change, remember that we are all human and have flaws. You simply can't change people. People change because they want to change. Also, what bothers you may not bother that person. They may enjoy what bothers you. So, instead of getting upset and lashing out or nagging, remember that you can ACCEPT IT or MOVE ON. 

Choose Your Battles

A couple of days ago, I wrote a post on "winning the battles to win the war". While it is true that we have to win the battles to win the war, we must also choose which battles to fight. Not every battle is worthy for us to enter. Some battles we should avoid because they will do more harm than good. This means that some situations we need to learn to avoid. We may think that we should slay a particular dragon and we very well may be successful, but the cost can be great. Some battles are not true battles. Instead they are bait. Bait is defined as food used to entice fish or other animals as prey. Just as bait is used to lure animals as prey, some battles lure us in as prey. This is why we need to be mindful of the battles that we decide to enter.

On yesterday, I drove a neighbor to our local Kroger. As I waited my turn to have some meat cut, she waited at the sub-station for someone to assist her. A deli worker was assisting a customer with a "hot item", and my neighbor interrupted asking who was working the area. The deli worker responded with a very bad attitude. Immediately, my neighbor took the bait and entered the battle. She yelled back and they went on and on. To make the story short, the manager was called twice, and the sandwich was free. The manager looked at the shocked look on my face and said let me fix you a sandwich because I see it all over your face. After everything calmed down I spoke with the deli worker. Before I could say anything she said I apologize if I offended you. I told her that she hadn't offended me and that I apologized for the huge blow up. We smiled at each other and I walked away. Well by this time my neighbor was upfront still going off. Everybody was looking, and I was mortified.

As I drove home, she was still going on and I think I almost lost it. I told her that she had acted worse than the employee. I understood that initially the employee had a bad attitude, but two bad attitudes don't make for a solution. My neighbor had taken the bait. She had entered a battle that she had won, but it didn't do anything positive for her. That was a battle that she should have walked away from. What did she gain other than a sandwich? By the end of the argument everyone is upset, and you are all bent out of shape about a rude comment. I know their have been times that I snapped, but lately I have realized that sometimes it is best to be silent. You never know who may be around viewing your actions. Taking the bait can end you or your career in an instant. Would it still be worth it?

As I explained to her, sometimes we allow our inner problems to force us to take the bait. When we take the bait we are in the battle fighting hard for something that is not worth it. We all need to learn that some battles are not worthy of our time. Honestly, some battles we are too good for. Some we don't have time for. I would much rather spend my time doing something more productive than fighting a battle that would not do anything for me. So, I encourage you to think before you take the bait. Think before you fight a battle that will do more damage than good. Learn to CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES WISELY.

Accepting Help Doesn't Make You Helpless...

It is so common for people to be quick to help others, but slow to accept help. I know that I am one of those people. I have no problem jumping to someone else's rescue, but I am skeptical of allowing someone else to jump to my rescue. There have been times when I desperately needed help, but I struggled with putting my pride to the side and simply asking for help. I am sure this is the same for many people. Most of us are so used to playing "Super Man" of "Super Woman", and are so used to doing things on our own, until we ignore the signs that help is needed. Many of us are taught to be strong, independent, and self-sufficient, which causes us to view help as a weakness. Today, I am here to tell you to "LEARN TO ACCEPT THE HELP".

First, get it out of your head that help is a sign of weakness. Help doesn't mean that you can't do something, or that you are not capable or qualified to do it. It also does not mean that someone can do it better. Help can lift a burden, make the task easier, or more enjoyable. Remember, God knows when we are overwhelmed, and he will send help to relieve some stress. Our plates may be too full, and the help will allow us to get more done or to get it done on time. We shouldn't compromise ourselves or the task at hand all because we want to be stubborn. Let's admit it, sometimes we just can't do it by ourselves, and that is okay.

I am all for independence, but sometimes we have to be dependent. I am all for believing in yourself, but sometimes we have to believe in others. I think many of us have been taught not to depend on others, which has lead to us believing in only in our own abilities. Yes, this is good, but sometimes we just will not be able to get the job done. Sometimes we may be down or in a situation where we have to rely on someone else. This is the case often. We get so caught up in our day to day lives, that sometimes we forget where our strength and help really comes from. We start to think that we are doing things on our own, when really it is God who is allowing us to do those things. In some cases we also forget the people in the background who are helping us accomplish things. So, it takes going through something that requires help to make us realize that we aren't doing things alone and that we need GOD first, and other people as well.

I want you to think about times that you were in a situation or dealing with something and you needed help. Did you allow you pride or super (wo)man attitude to prevent you from getting help? Did you feel less than or weak for needing the help? I can honestly say that this has been me. I am so used to being the one to help others and get things done, until when I was in situations that required help, I would resist it until it was almost too late. I didn't like the idea of me needing help. It honestly felt weird. Sometimes I even felt like I had failed. I know that the people closest to me probably thought I was losing it because I would even lash out at them for trying to help. It wasn't that I didn't need the help, it was the fact that I was so used to trying to be independent. I had to learn that receiving help did not make me any less independent. The extra help and assistance would actually help me to be more independent.

So, I encourage you to take the HELP when needed. Don't think that you have failed when you find yourself in situations that require help. Also, thank anyone that has helped you because if you are anything like me, helping you is not always easy. LAST, remember "ACCEPTING HELP DOES NOT MAKE YOU HELPLESS.

Right is Right and Wrong is Wrong, or IS IT?

I'm sure most of us have heard the statement, "Wrong is Wrong, and Right is Right". Does this statement apply to everyone, including family and friends? Does it only apply to people you don't know, like, or are not close with? Does it apply to you? I ask these questions because many of us believe the statement, but use it loosely when it applies to ourselves or family and friends. I have witnessed people defend wrong because of a personal relationship or association rather than be honest and stand for what is right (I'm guilty myself). It shouldn't matter who the person is, if they are wrong then they are wrong. If they are right, then they are right.

It troubles me that right and wrong becomes blurred when we start to involve our feelings, personal relationships, opinions, and personal beliefs. A person's status, occupation, finances, or any other attribute should never be a factor in determining whether the person is right or wrong.  For example, your friend makes a completely inappropriate statement to someone that you are not completely fond of or you don't know. You know that the statement your friend made is wrong and out of place, but because that is your friend you don't correct it or say anything. Instead, you agree with your friend, for the sake of friendship. My question is, "what good does it serve you or the friend"? Some may say loyalty. Sorry to tell you, that is not loyalty. Loyalty is defined as a strong feeling of support or allegiance. Support and allegiance does not mean contributing to a person's wrong doing. Contributing to a person's wrong doesn't help them, but harms them.

Think about this. Would you like someone to do wrong to you, but get away with it because of who they are? Wouldn't that make you feel less than? Wouldn't you agree that you deserve the same respect as everyone else? Well, when you uphold the wrong of others, you are contributing to them doing wrong. You are saying that everyone does not deserve the same respect. I am pretty sure you would not want to be done that way. If someone is wrong, they are just wrong. It is okay to express that. No, you don't have to make a scene about them being wrong, but you definitely should not condone it. Also, if the person doesn't want or expect you to be honest with them, then maybe you should rethink your association with them.

So, tonight I encourage you stand up for what is right. Don't jump on board with behaviors that you know is wrong. It should not matter if it is a friend, family, or role model. If it is wrong, it's just wrong. Don't get caught condoning wrong because one day it may be you who are being wronged with others jumping on the bandwagon. So, if you believe the statement "Right is Right, and Wrong is Wrong", stand by it regardless of who it affects.

Waiting is teaching me patience

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you can't get it off of your mind? You checked your phone, email, Facebook account, or messages compulsively. If only it would happen right now.  Well, I am guilty of all of those things. When waiting for something I really want or need, I easily become obsessed with it. If something doesn't happen quickly, I wait anxiously. My mind does not rest. My anxiety sometimes turns into anger. To be honest, I think I turn into a "mad woman". My emotions are usually all over the place. One minute, happy and patiently waiting, the next minute being confident that it will happen soon, then nervous because it isn't happening, and then sad because I am on the brink of giving up, and then angry because I just don't understand why it's taking so long. The crazy thing about all of the emotions is that I usually experience all of them in one day.

Well, lately I have been forced to wait on some things. Initially, I was very impatient and (grumpy), but currently I am accepting my period of waiting. I have realized that being upset, anxious, and sad about waiting only makes waiting more miserable. Sitting around thinking about it makes it seem like you are waiting that much longer. Instead of focusing on what you are waiting for, focus on the present. Focus on what you can be and should be doing now. Trust me. I know that it is easier said than done. Although it may be hard, you must not worry and be frantic over your period of waiting.

I have decided to use this time to better myself. The first thing on that list is patience. If your waiting period doesn't teach you anything, it will teach you patience. We live in a world where it seems that you can get pretty much everything in an instance. There are so many options to speed up things. For example, TV dinners give you a meal in minutes or you can order something today and have it delivered the next day. Everything seems to happen in the blink of an eye. Sadly, everything doesn't work that way. Some things we have to wait for. Sometimes God makes us wait for what we have prayed for, and in this instant world it is very difficult to wait. Waiting is where you will learn to be patient if you don't learn anything else.

So, if you don't take anything from this post, please remember that you can't rush your waiting period. God has the perfect timing for what you are praying for. Don't drive yourself crazy wondering if it will happen today, tomorrow, or the next day. It may not happen for a week, a month, or a year. Don't focus on when it will happen because it will only play on your emotions. There is no need to get upset, just trust that God will provide you with your needs. Overall, learn to be patient. Patience will not only save you from being an emotional wreck, but it will also allow you to enjoy your period of waiting. So, don't learn the hard way as I did, allow your waiting period to teach you patience.

Stop Complaining So Much!!!

Complaining! Most of us complain, some of us more than others. When we are unhappy, angry, or disappointed, it is easy for us to complain. While it is perfectly fine to complain, it is not okay to complain excessively. I'm sure most of us know someone (or it may be us) that complains all of the time. It seems that the person is never happy or content. I know that I complain, but I try my best to be thankful for my current state because there is always someone doing worse. Yes, sometimes complaining is ok, but to do it all of the time makes you seem ungrateful. Remember, complaining usually want help this situation. So, here's some reasons you should stop complaining.

1. Complaining only makes you feel worse.
When you complain, it only makes you think about your current situation. It doesn't fix the situation or make it better. It forces you to continue to dwell on the problem. Complaining erases all of the positive and shines the light on the negative. I have personally experienced this. I would get angry and start to complain, and I would only feel worse. Instead of trying to find the good in the situation, complaining caused me to focus on everything that wasn't going right. 

2. Complaining makes you look ungrateful.
When things don't seem to go my way, I have to think that there is someone worse off than me. No, I'm not happy that there is someone doing worse, but I realize that I am blessed with where I am. When we complain it makes it seem as if we are not happy with what we have been blessed with. We need to learn that it okay to be upset, but we have to learn to let it go, and than God for what we do have. You have to learn to be grateful and joyful where you are before you can be blessed with more. So, don't get caught complaining so much until you become ungrateful.

3. Complaining only wastes your time.
Question? When you complain, does it fix the situation? Does it make you feel better? Does it change what happened? I'm sure the answer is no. So, why complain? Complaining is a complete waste of time. It doesn't serve you any purpose. The time and energy used complaining could be used to find a solution to whatever problem you may have. Spend that extra breathe singing praises or speaking positive into your life. Just don't waste it complaining about something you probably have no control over.

4. Complaining can drive people away.
All of us have problems. All of us choose to deal with our problems differently. Be mindful when you complain because there may be someone going through something that does not need to hear the negative. Some people may want to surround themselves with positive, so they may distance themselves from you because of your complaining. Complaining can be draining. NO person enjoys hearing someone rant and rave about negative stuff all of the time. SO, if you find yourself complaining all of the time, and you notice people being distant, that is probably why. Sometimes people just want to talk, and here the positive that is occurring in your life.

I wrote this post to encourage you to find the positive in situations. Don't focus on the negative all of the time. Count your blessings when you feel down and out. Don't sit around and complain. Complaining will not make you feel better. It will not fix the situation. So, do not waste your time. When you are faced with disappointment, anger, or any situation that encourages you to complain, express yourself and move on. DO NOT start your own pity party. Just remember that someone else may be praying to be where you are. SO, DON'T COMPLAIN.

FAMILY

Today was a really great day. My entire day, I was surrounded by family, food, and fun. Initially, I was very hesitant about going to the Octoberfest because I didn't not feel up to being in the crowd. After several of my family members called, I perked up and decided to go. I arrived late, and when I did I saw many of my family members sitting around a table. Immediately, I joined in and I must admit, I had the best time I had had in a long time. I realized that I had been so consumed with life, that I had forgotten how fun it is to be in the company of family. I didn't plan to write about this tonight, but someone reading may need this.

I grew up knowing that family was important. I grew up being around family all of the time. It was normal for us to have celebrations and gatherings and spend hours laughing and having fun. However, after all of us grew up and started having our own lives, the gatherings seemed to change. We were all now consumed with making better lives for ourselves until we weren't putting in the normal family time. I know personally, I would spend all week doing a million things, only to be too exhausted on the weekends to do anything. I would rather sit home and do nothing than do the normal family time. I didn't realize that I was missing out on the family time until tonight.

Something about tonight, brought me back to the times when we weren't so consumed with our own lives. For the moment, if felt like none of us had any worries, errands, or tasks that would prevent us from enjoying ourselves. We were laughing, talking, and being plain silly. Tonight reminded me that I should start making time for that family time more often. Instead of being focused on the million things I have to do, I should spend some time focusing on bonding with my family like in the past.

While you may not understand this post, I encourage you to spend time doing the things that matter most. I know all of us have busy lives. I know we all feel like we don't have enough time in the day to get what we need done. Although we want to spend free time how we want it, we need to make time for the important people in our lives. I promise, today gave me the boost that I needed. Today, I felt secure and happy. I felt great being in the company with the one's I loved and whom I know has my back. It felt great sitting and having fun like the past. From this point forward I promise that I will take a break from my stressful and busy life, and spend time with MY AWESOME FAMILY.

Winning the Small Battles to Win the War!!!!

Dreams, Goals, Short-term, & Long-term. We all have dreams and goals that we work hard each day to achieve. The reality of accomplishing these goals is that we don't accomplish them over night. It takes planning, hard work, and dedication. For instance, if your goal is to become a nurse, you don't just become a nurse over night. It takes studying, clinical, exams, and boards. It's a step by step process. Each step get's more difficult. Well, that is how life is. We have plans for our lives and it is a step by step process. In each step, we are faced with challenges that we have to get through in order to move on to the next step. In other words, you have to win the small battles to win the entire war.

Think about it. WWI and WWII was comprised of minor and major battles. Soldiers battled to win the minor and major battles in hopes of winning the entire war. The soldiers also understood that they could not ignore the smaller battles, and still win the war. They put their all into all battles keeping the bigger picture in mind. The soldiers fought hard to win one battle after another, until the entire war was won. Well, this is exactly how we should view our dreams and goal in life.

Our main goal or plan is the war, and the steps taken to accomplish the goal or plan are there battles. Remember that you have to work hard to accomplish each minor and major goal because it will get you closer to your ultimate plans. I thought about this a lot today, as a I working towards one of my goals. I was frustrated because it seemed that I had a million things to do, and nothing was coming together. I was close to saying forget it, but I realized that I had to take this next step to reach my ultimate goal. I could not give up on the minor things, and expect to accomplish the major things. I couldn't chicken out now.

I want to encourage you to work hard at all you do. While you may think it is unnecessary or not worth putting you all into the minor battles, remember that they are only preparing you for the entire war. Don't allow life's circumstances distract you or cause you to lose the battles. While in the minor and major battles, think about winning the war. Think about how you will feel when you accomplish the goal you have worked so hard for. Remember, you have to win the small battles to win the war.

Thank God for the Rain!!!!!

It was mid-summer. The temperatures were at a scorching high. People were miserable from the extreme heat and humidity. Farmers suffered and prayed for rain. The lack of rain was affecting their harvest. The lack of harvest was driving the prices of food and other materials up. Consumers were affected because the cost of food was now extremely high. Everyone was affected by the lack of rain. Everyone started to pray for RAIN. The rain would bring cooler temperatures and help the farmer's harvest. The rain would completely change everyone's current situation. Just as the rain is important in this scenario, sometimes we need rain to fix our situations.

Understand, when I talk about rain in our lives I am not talking about physical rain. Rain is a symbol for the situations and trials that we experience. Sometimes we pray for certain things, and God sends the rain to make things new. Your current situation may be the rain that will allow the new beginning you have been praying for. Think about it. Just as the farmers pray for rain during the drought, we pray for breakthroughs during our trials. When the rain comes for farmers, their crop begins to grow and flourish. When God sends different trials and situations, we begin to grow and mature. The trials and situations prepare us for our new beginning.

As I was showering (where I do my best thinking) I listened to "Let It Rain" by Eddie James. In the song he says "asks God to let it rain to remove everything that hinders them". As many times as I have listened to this song, I hadn't listened to the powerful words. Sometimes the the rain and storms in our lives take place to remove the things that are holding us back or preventing us from getting better. So, instead of fighting the rain, work through it. Just think about when God sent the floods. The flood destroyed all of the sin. Sometimes God will send rain, storms, and floods to remove things in our lives that is hindering us.

So, I encourage you to pray for rain, and when it rains continue working through it. Don't give up in the mist of your storm. Remember the blessings that will come from the storm. Even if you don't see it or feel it, just keep pushing. I know from personal experience that the rain can shake things up, and cause you to be really uncomfortable. It is during these times that you have to pray and work a little harder. Today, I can honestly say "THANK GOD FOR THE RAIN".

Why Have Faith????

Faith. We hear the word used often. When we go through storms, darkness, and trials people will quickly say, "Have Faith". They say this but they don't realize that in your storms, you sometimes question, "Why Have Faith". Yes, most of us have heard of all the miraculous and awesome things that God has done, but we probably have not witnessed it for ourselves. I am a living witness of second guessing "FAITH" when in darkness. Let's admit it. We are human, and all of think of giving up sometimes. While we may not dwell in it, it crosses our minds sometimes. Well, this blog post is particularly for those who are in the mist of their storms, and it seems that "FAITH" isn't getting them through. It is so common for us to just tell them to "KEEP THE FAITH", without realizing that the person is really trying. We must go further, and explain to them why they should keep the faith.

Hebrews 11:1 states, "Faith is the confidence that we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we can't see." This tells us that faith is us having confidence in what we hope for will happen. Having confidence means that we are certain. The scripture goes further and tells us that Faith gives us assurance about things that we can't see. This is very powerful and important because in the mist of a storm, we may be surrounded by darkness. In that darkness, we many not see the light. Just because no light is visible doesn't mean that it will not come to pass. Just because you don't see the solution or breakthrough doesn't mean that it will not come to pass. Faith is that vision. It gives you a sense of reassurance when you can't see the outcome or breakthrough.

Instead of just telling people have faith, we need to explain to them why they should have faith and what having faith does. Also, don't judge them when they have moments of weakness and it seems they don't have faith. All of us have questionable moments. It is okay to ask God for reassurance or a sign. It is okay to speak to him about your discomfort. God wants us to talk to him. Go to him and vent, just vent and move on. DO NOT SIT AND DWELL. Dwelling will interfere with your faith. It will cause you to doubt. It will push you to give up.

I encourage everyone who is going through something to have faith. Ask God to help you have faith. Ask him to send you signs when you don't see the vision. When your storm seems unbearable tell God, and he will send you some relief. Just do not give up. Remember, Faith is confidence. It is not worry or doubt. It is hope. It is assurance. It doesn't matter that you don't see it. It is still possible, and will happen. If you don't remember anything from this post, please remember that your faith can and will get you through your toughest battles.

Who Do You Have FAITH IN?

Yesterday, I defined faith. Today, I want to pose the question, "WHO DO YOU HAVE FAITH IN?" I ask this question because many of us put our faith in "(wo)man" instead of putting our faith in God. We look to man to do things that we should be looking to God to do. For example, we often look to man for acceptance, defining our identity, to pull us out of our darkness, and for things that only God can do. I think we disappoint ourselves when we put our faith in trust in anyone except God. On yesterday I defined faith as "complete confidence or trust in a person or thing." This means that we believe in the person or thing with certainty. My question is why choose to put faith in man or things, when we can put our faith in GOD, the most powerful.

Let's briefly talk about the power of God (let's look at his resume, which is too long to go over in one post). Here are some in no specific order:

• God allowed Abraham and Sarah to birth a child despite their very old age. 
• God healed the man with leprosy, the woman with the issue of blood, the man who could not see, and many more. 
• God rescued the Israelites from oppression and parted the Red Sea so that they could escape. 
• God spoke through a burning bush and even a donkey

This is only a few things that God has done. The list could go on and on and on. As you can see from this short list, God is beyond powerful. He is the best person to put our faith in. Why put your faith in man, who is not perfect? Why continue disappointed yourself by putting your faith in the wrong person? I think many of our problems come from expecting too much out of man, when we should be calling out to God. For example, when you find yourself in the same cycle over and over again, why would you continue to rely on your own strength and the strength of man to pull you out or to to help you understand it? Don't you think God knows why you are where you are? So, why not go to the person who knows everything about us, and who knows our purpose and destiny?

Don't get me wrong, God works through people, and there are some amazing people in this world. But, when it comes to your life, you should place all your cares on God, and have faith in him. He should always be your go to guy. Stop expecting your family and friends to perform miracles that only God can perform. Each time you do this, you are disappointing yourself. 

Tonight, I encourage you to think about problems, situations, and/or trials that you are dealing with. Next, think about how you have depended on yourself or man. Last, give it to God, and have faith in him. Have faith that he will solve whatever issues you have and help you to understand why you are where you are. Trust me, having faith in him is your best and only option. 

What is Faith?

The next couple of blogs will be dedicated to talking about FAITH. Faith is a very important, and I think it will take more than one posting to discuss it. So, today I am going to talk about "What Is Faith?" Wikipedia defines faith as complete confidence or trust in a person or thing. Dictionary.com defines faith as strong or unshakeable belief in something. Based on these definitions faith deals with trusting, believing, and having confidence. This also means that doubt, second guessing, and worrying is not faith.

First, we have to trust. Trust is the assured reliance on someone or something. Trusting something or someone means that we believe in their strength, abilities, and character. For example, if you were the manager or owner of a restaurant and you delegate different tasks to different employees, you have to trust that they will fulfill their duties in a manner that is in line with your company standards. So, remember that if you are going to have faith in someone or something you have to trust them or it first. This means that you can's second guess it or worry about it. You have to trust, and if you don't trust then you don't have faith in it.

Second, we have to believe. To believe means that you have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something. When you believe in something or someone, you are willing to stand up for it. You believe that it right. You have no doubts. 

Third, we have to have confidence in it. Confidence is a state of certainty. Certain means you know for sure or established beyond doubt. Being confident in something or someone means that you don't have any insecurities in what you believe in. 

So, in order to have faith we have to let down our guards and trust, believe, and have confidence. We can't continue to worry about a situation if we are going to have faith. First, we have to trust that it is going to happen. Second, we have to believe that it can and will happen. Third, we must have confidence that it is certainly going to occur. 

Who is the "ENEMY?"

So, the statement goes "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". Sadly, in some cases we need to keep our "friends" closer. Think about it. When we know that someone is our "enemy" we know where our relationship with the person stands. However, we have a higher expectation of friends. We expect friends to be there for us, to support us, to speak positive into our lives, and to uplift us. We don't expect friends to tear us down or to bring any type of harm upon us. Today, it is hard to tell whether a person is truly a friend or enemy. Sometimes our enemies come dressed and disguised as our friends. We let our guards down, only to discover that they were never really a friend. For this reason, in some cases it is best to keep our friends closer because that person just may be the enemy disguised as a friend.

First, keeping your "frenemy" closer allows you to stay aware. When we develop bonds and relationships with people, we build trust. Trust is the key to good relationships, but it can also be detrimental to relationships with "frenemies". Trust isn't good in "frenemy" relationships because it interferes with your best judgment. You trust the person, so you ignore the signs of the person being a "frenemy". Trust pushes you to believe that the person has your best interest at heart. You don't want to believe that someone you have developed a relationship with is not your friend. It isn't until the person does something outright that you start to believe that they are not a friend.

Second, keeping your frenemy closer, will help you grow as a person. When we learn that someone who we thought was a friend is really a enemy, we want to immediately abandon them and never look back. While this may be a solution, it is not the best solution. It is not the best solution because we will come into contact with "frenemies" throughout our lives. It is best that we learn how to deal with them without having to try to avoid them completely. When we learn how to deal with such people, we know that we can treat them with respect and kindness without getting hurt. We must remember that we have to treat others with respect regardless of who they are. Learning how to treat your frenemies will show personal growth.

Last, don't dwell on the negative. In all relationships we learn something. I think that we can learn more in those relationships with our frenemies. We can learn more because we have to be more open and aware. We have to pay attention more. Instead of being angry and thinking it was time wasted, focus on the positive things you gained.

So, when building new relationships and bonds, stay aware of who the person is and what the person means to you. Don't ignore the signs. If the person turns out to be a "frenemy", you don't have to cut them completely off or be nasty towards them. Learn to keep them closer. Trust me, keeping them closer will protect you in the long run.

It only takes a little ENCOURAGMENT

Have you ever saw something or someone that was absolutely gorgeous and you wanted to say something, but you chose to stay silent? Have you ever admired someone for something, but you refused to acknowledge it? I am pretty sure that most of us have. Instead of giving a compliment or encouraging someone, we would rather admire them in silence. While there is nothing wrong with keeping silent, the simple compliment or encouragement can be very powerful to someone else. We need to start encouraging and uplifting each other. You never know what your words can do for a person. Instead of being quick to criticize or get angry, we should start being quick to uplift.

I know there have been days that a simple, "you look nice" or "keep up the good work" has made my day. A gloomy day can easily turn into a bright day with a few words of encouragement. We must remember that many people suffer in silence. We never know what others are going through until it's too late. This is why we should not wait until someone is in a crisis mode to give them a pat on the back. Don't make assumptions, and think that a person has it all together based off of their outward manifestations. That person could very well be crumbling inside. Your encouraging words may be ammunition to get them through the day, week, or month. It may be the reassurance that the person has been waiting on.

Getting in the habit of encouraging others helps prevent criticism. When we learn to get in the habit of being positive (encouraging), we are negative (criticize) less often. Let's be real. The news, media, newspapers, and life in general is filled with so much negative. Negative news spread much faster than positive. We don't realize how the negativity is destroying us as people. We need to start being accountable for each other, and being motivation for one another. Instead of spreading the negative and criticisms, we should start focusing on the positive in each other.

So, today and everyday I challenge you to find the good in people. Don't just admire in silence. Compliment others often. If you like something someone is doing, tell them. That compliment may encourage them to work harder. So, I challenge everyone reading to make an effort to encourage someone daily. LET'S START UPLIFTING EACH OTHER.

Some people are just "SEASONAL"

Have you ever supported someone through the storm only to have them disappear when the storm subsided? Have you worked hard to solve someone's problems only to have them turn their backs when the problem is resolved? I'm sure most of us have dealt with situations similar. It is normal to get upset and feel used, but we have to realize that these people are "SEASONAL". I recall on many occasions getting angry thinking about the time and effort I put into helping someone only to have them disappear when life seemed better or when I needed them. However, I have learned to accept that some people only come into your life for a season. Yes, I had heard the saying before, but I didn't really grasp it because I would get angry when those seasonal people left me high and dry. I would question whether they were ever loyal or if they were in it for their benefit. Honestly, I would get angry because I felt used. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I shouldn't feel used because each "SEASONAL" person was a learning lesson.

First, my encounters with seasonal people taught me to give without expecting to receive the same treatment in return. Yes, most of us have grown up hearing "do unto others as you will have them do unto you". I agree that we should treat others how we want them to treat us, but this doesn't always happen. Everyone doesn't live by the GOLDEN RULE. Instead of worrying about the person returning the favor, just do as your heart tells you. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying be crazy either. I'm just saying, If that person is your "FRIEND" or "FAMILY" and in your heart you want to help, help them without expecting something in return. When you help them, it doesn't matter if they ever return the favor. If we learn to go into situations with the mindset, "I'm helping because it's the right thing to do, or because I want to", we want be disappointed when the seasonal people disappear or fail to return the favor.

Second, the seasonal people made room for the lifetime people. Wouldn't you rather have someone around who is there for the long haul? Well, most times the "LIFETIME" person can't come around because the "SEASONAL" person is keeping the spot warm. This is why we have to learn to let go. Don't get angry.  Instead, cut ties and prepare for those people who are going to stick around. When that seasonal person chooses to leave, don't waste any more energy or time talking about it, thinking about it, or trying to fix the situation. Let them go. Trust me, you will appreciate it in the long run.

Third, the seasonal people taught me something about myself. Why did I do what I did? Why did I allow the person in? Instead of focusing on them and the type of person they are, focus on you and why you attracted that type of person. Focus on making yourself better. That person should not be your concern. Trust me they aren't concerned about you or your feelings. If so, they wouldn't have been seasonal and would still be around. So, don't give them that much power. Take the situation and make it a learning situation. Grow from it.

Fourth, I had to learn to forgive and let go. We are human, so we get mad when we feel used or abandoned. We want to retaliate or tell the person how we feel. I understand wanting to let the person have it, but it's not worth it. The best thing you can do is move on like it never happened. Trust me that person will see you living and moving forward. They will probably even need you again. They will feel worse when they see you aren't holding grudges and have moved on with your life. Don't give them anything to discuss or use against you. Move on.

In life we run across many people who are seasonal. We often confuse them with lifetime people because at the start the friendships and relationships are good. I know that I am guilty of giving people the benefit, and ignoring signs that they aren't in it for the long haul. Although at first I was angry, I realized that those encounter have taught me lessons that I can appreciate. So, don't get angry at those "SEASONAL" people. Forgive them, move forward, and take it as learning experience.

It's okay to be selfish sometimes!!!!!

First, let me start by saying that this 31 day challenge has really been therapeutic and has forced me to acknowledge a lot of things I needed to change. Initially, I thought it would be a hassle figuring out what to write about, but I can honestly say ideas and thoughts have been constantly flowing. Well, today, I realized that I was in dire need of a vacation. I need to get away with no distractions. Why do I need a vacation? Because I do not say NO enough. I realized that sometimes you just have to be selfish. While many people think being selfish is a bad thing, it is a healthy thing as well. Think about it. Most of us wear several different hats. We are devoted mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, friends, coworkers, and so much more. If you happen to be a parent, you wear many other hats. For example, as a parent you play housekeeper, doctor, counselor, playmate, problem solver, and everything your child needs you to be. So, trust me when I say it is okay to be selfish sometimes.

While thinking, I also realized that most of us choose to carry the problems and burdens of others. All of us have those family members, friends, and associates who choose us to vent to. Even when our own lives are hectic, we still find time to listen, and occasionally offer some advice. Well, being the ear and shoulder for someone else on top of wearing all of your own hats can be very burdensome and draining so you should say no and be selfish sometimes. So, here's five reasons you should be selfish.

1. Superhero's are fictional characters who have supernatural powers. You are a "real" person, so you are not a superhero, meaning that you do not possess the power to carry the weight of the world.

All of us at some point in our lives have played "superhero" for our family, friends, employer, associates, organizations, or church. When asked to do something we feel inclined to say yes, even if our plates are already running over. We act like we can create more hours in a day, more days in a week, more weeks in a month, and more months in a year. We act like we can live off ZERO sleep, a POOR diet, and NO energy. Instead of saying not this time, we pretend to be supernatural and take on the task. Well, I am sorry to say "superheros" belong in books and fantasy lands. If you know your plate is already full and running over, do not pretend that you have the time and energy. Say no. Yes, you may want to help, but you simply can not. RETIRE THE CAPE AND SUPERHERO ATTIRE AND SAY NO.

2. Although you care about your friends and family, you can't fix their problems, and you should not destroy yourself trying.

We all have those friends and family that call us every time they have a problem. Sometimes it is the same problem. We listen for hours only to reach no solution. It's an ongoing cycle. While you care and desire helping, it can be very draining. Although our family and friends are important parts of our lives, some situations should be left to them to fix. Instead of enabling and picking up the phone for the same conversation a million times. STEP BACK AND STOP PRETENDING TO BE A COUNSELOR AND USE THAT ENERGY TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF.

3. Those things that you think need your immediate attention probably can wait.

Some days are more draining than others. On those rough days, it seems that you have a million things to get done. You run around with no sense of direction which makes things that more chaotic. You feel overwhelmed, and every little thing seems to tick you off. Well, Guess What? You probably need to abandon a few things for the day, and take a much needed WOOSAH. If you don't make it to the dry cleaners, or wash that load of clothes, the world will not end. Your sanity is much more important than a load of clothes. So, IF NEEDED ABANDON A CHORE OR ERRAND, THE WORLD WILL NOT END.

4. When you break down, some of the same people you broke down over will not be there to assist you in your recovery.

Ok. Let's be honest. How many times have you broken down and felt you had no one to call? Have you ever been at the brink of a melt down, and the same person you talk off the ledge seems to be too busy? Well, that is a common thing. Most times, the person you are always there for, will not return the favor. Instead of focusing on your issues, it is common for them to continue to focus on their own issues. I don't think it is a purposeful thing, but some people just feel that you have it all together and doesn't realize when you are having a melt down. So, GET SOME REST, AND AVOID MELT DOWNS.

5. Taking some "ME TIME" is good for you and everyone you encounter.

Last, when you don't take me time, you feel crazy. You start to half do things, and make crazy choices. When you don't take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally, you are not as sharp. To prevent going crazy "TAKE SOME TIME FOR RELAXATION".

So, the main goal of this post is to encourage everyone to take time for themselves. Many of us are so used to taking care of everybody else until we forget to take care of ourselves. Failing to take care of ourselves takes a toll on our lives in every aspect. Instead of over working ourselves, we need to learn to be SELFISH. So, every now and then miss a phone call, ignore a text, stay away from social media, skip a meeting, sleep in, take a walk, or get away. JUST REMEMBER, IT'S OKAY TO BE SELFISH SOMETIMES.

Never Kick Someone When They're Down

Today, I was planning to write about something else, but after reading something online I decided to save that topic for another day. It was a tweet from someone that I do not know that struck a nerve. The tweet said “One day ya'll are calling #LamarOdom a "crackhead", the next you're "praying for him". Learn to care when something isn't trending”. This statement struck a nerve because we can truly be some cruel people. There are so many viral videos that hurt people and cause more harm to their current situation. We, including “myself”, find humor in other people’s issues and downfalls. While we may not do it intentionally or outright, we are finding humor when we jump on the bandwagon of trending topics. 

For example, when we see someone lashing out and compromises themselves, we place these funny meme’s on them or follow-up with some type of judgment or harsh comment. We don’t stop to think about the real issue. Yes, that person is lashing out, and may be making a complete fool of themselves. They may be responsible for their downfall. You may even think that person had it easy, and made a stupid choice. All of these things does not make it okay to criticize the person during their downfall.

 I know all of us have heard the saying, “NEVER KICK A MAN WHILE HE IS DOWN”. Well, guess what? We do this all of the time.  When a person is in their toughest situations, somehow we lose compassion. We forget that the person is human. We forget that we are human and will go through some things. While I know that I have done this, I hate that we as people find humor or gratification in the downfall in someone else. Not to sound self-righteous, but we need to start uplifting each other more. We need to start recognizing when there is a problem with others, and reach out and help instead of participating in their demise. 

                                               

It is so hypocritical, just as the guy from twitter stated, to find humor in the demise of someone, but as soon as you see that it is may cost them their life, you want to show compassion. Instead of following the trend, show compassion from the start. Show that you care from the start. It brings me back to the young girls whose photo circulated around the internet with cruel meme’s. As soon as her mother came forward and told viewers how her daughter had suffered grave medical conditions, everyone wanted to be apologetic and show the little girl compassion. Why not show compassion from the start? Do you really have to know what someone is going through to show compassion? Do you have to see the person near death to show compassion? I hope you answered no. 

I firmly believe compassion and caring can save a life. I don’t mean to lecture or come off as if I have it all together, but this really stuck with me this morning. I think we (me and anybody reading) should come together and pledge “that we will learn to show compassion and empathy”. Instead of taking part in the demise of others, uplift. Don’t get caught in joining the trends that are humorous at the cost of others. JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON OF COMPASSION.

Sometimes You Have To Lose To WIN!

Jay was 6ft 8 in, 210 pounds. He averaged 29 points, 8.3 rebounds, and 3.3 steals a game. He was recognized in the local newspaper weekly, and the NBA was taking notice. The high school standout was a beast on the court. Jay dominated the court and led his team to many victories and championships. After a huge victory, the coach told the team to go home, rest, and think about what they could have done better in the game. He wanted them to work on those things in the next practice to prepare for the tough game that they had coming up. The team’s “superstar”, Jay, was accustomed to winning, so he felt that he didn’t have to evaluate his skills or how he performed in the game. He scored most of the points, he dominated the court, and the team won. He didn’t lose, so why would he evaluate what he did wrong? Everything was working for him, why change or look back now? The next game was a very close one. The opposing team was just as good and they too had a star player who averaged about the same as Jay. The only difference was that the opposing teams star evaluated himself after each game regardless of a win or lose.

There was 6 seconds on the clock, the score was 78 to 77 (Jay’s team was down), and the other team had fouled Jay. Jay had two shots and if he made one he could tie the game, if he made both he could win. The fans were confident because their star player would sink the next two shots. Jay missed both, and his team lost. After the game, he was talking to his coach and he stated that he realized that he wasn’t as strong at the free-throw line. He could use some more practice and hard work. Jay realized that he should have taken the time before suffering a loss to evaluate his performance. But, let’s be honest. Many of us fail to self-evaluate during our highs and wins. It usually takes a loss to push us into self-evaluation.

Looking back at all of the times I took a “loss” or “failed”, I have realized that before losing, I didn’t self-evaluate. I didn’t take the time to analyze and figure out how I could be better. No one likes to lose, but so much good can come out of losing. Let’s be honest, when most of us are at our prime and winning, do we spend time thinking about what we did wrong? Do we critique ourselves? In most cases, we don’t. It normally takes a loss to force us into self-evaluation. So, from this point forward think about your losses or failures as a time to make yourself better. Use the time to become a “true beast” in whatever it is you failed at. Use that time to become polished. Don’t allow the failure or loss to get you down. Think about it as a time for more training.

Losing can also bring us back down to earth. Just like the basketball player discussed earlier, many of us don’t focus on our weaknesses when we are winning. We abandon those weaknesses because it seems that everything is working out despite having them. We don’t see a need in working on those weaknesses because we are great. However, when we fail, we immediately think about those things we were weak in. Let’s not get so big until we forget that we are not perfect. Let’s deal with it up front. Let’s not crush our own hearts by walking around as if we are “GOD” with no flaws. It’s is perfectly fine to have weaknesses because we all do. It is more becoming to be able to recognize your weaknesses. It provides for growth in that area.

So, when you lose, don’t get angry and down. SELF-EVALUATE. Identify your weak areas. Work hard to get better. Also, don’t get “big headed”. Always work to better yourself. Never think that you are without any weakness. Remember, “SOMETIMES IT TAKES A LOSS”.

Are You HUMBLE?

I know most of us have heard the saying "Don't forget where you come from". Well, I will like to expand on that saying. Never forget what you have gone through. No, you don't have to dwell on it, but don't forget the blood, sweat, tears before the accomplishments and success. Many of us are quick to put the struggle behind us, and act as if there was never a struggle (or hardship). Yes, be happy with what you have accomplished, but REMAIN HUMBLE. I have witnessed, and been guilty, of allowing my accomplishments to mask my past struggles.

Being humble is very important. Being humble allows you to be empathetic. Empathy is important because it allows us to understand and relate to the feeling and problems of others. Sometimes we get so caught up into our own success and status, until we forget those who may be struggling. Instead of being empathetic and providing encouragement, we act as if we have never been down. Today, I sat and reminisced on my trials, tough times, tears, and disappointments. I also thought about my achievements and accomplishments. I began to realize that in my success, I didn't really humble myself. I allowed pride to blind me.

In 1 Peter 5:6, God tells us to "humble ourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift us up in honor". This means that God doesn't want us to walk around with "big heads" acting as if we are responsible for our on fate. God wants us to humble ourselves. He wants us to remember those things that we went through. He never wants us to think that we are more than others. When we learn to be humble, God promises that he will exalt us.

Please don't think that I am saying not to be proud of your success. Be proud. Be happy. Celebrate. Share your moments. Do all of these things, but do not look down on others in the process. I have witnessed others look down on others for being in situations that they were once in. Don't allow success to cause you to forget how to be empathetic for others. Use your success to push and motivate others. Use your success as a teachable moment. Just don't allow yourself to become arrogant.

So, I encourage each of you to sit and think about your accomplishments. After thinking about your accomplishments, think about the blood, sweat, and tears that helped you get to those accomplishments. Also, think about times you failed to be humble (I'm sure all of us has). Last, always make an effort to be humble and empathetic to others. Remember, God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble (James 4:6).

Let Go of the Grudges

Grudge. A "Grudge" is a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury. It's a persistent feeling, meaning that it's a feeling that we allow to linger for an extended period of time. The cause of the resentment or ill will is a past insult or injury. All of us have held grudges. We may be currently holding grudges against someone who has hurt or betrayed us in the past. When we hold grudges, we are constantly taking the past into our future. In others words we are allowing those past hurts to affect our future, when we should forgive and move on.

I am very guilty of holding grudges. I think I was the queen of holding grudges. Someone would make me mad, and that was murder she wrote. I would hold on to it until I couldn't hold on to it anymore. My mom used to always tell me that "You have to learn to treat people with a long handled spoon, you can't just get mad and hold on to those feelings". Trust me, I was not hearing that. I was hurt and I wanted that person to know that they better not ever say two words to me. I wanted them to know that I was angry and I wanted them to feel my wrath.

Well lately I have been doing a little evaluating of myself and I realized that those grudges were affecting my future. I was allowing those negative interactions and situations to follow me into places that they didn't deserve to be. Let's be honest. Most times those situations, interactions, and "people" are not that important. So, why should we allow those unimportant situations, interactions, and people to interfere with our happiness and future. And as far as letting them know that they have hurt you, you don't have to. You don't have to inform someone that they have hurt you they already know. It also doesn't matter if the person apologizes or tries to fix the situation. Simply forgive and let go.

The moment I started forgiving and moving on was the moment that I started being genuinely happy. Those people and situations did not matter anymore. I even realized that some situations didn't even deserve my energy or time. I can honestly say that today I am free of grudges. I refuse to allow the unimportant situations, interactions, and people into my future. So, I encourage you to forgive and move on. Don't hold the grudge, let it go. Don't worry about the situation or the person who caused the situation. Live your life free of grudges. Trust me it is a much better feeling.

Being Alone Is Not That Bad

Being alone. How many of us can honestly say that you enjoy being alone? Sometimes being alone is okay, but being in the company of others is needed as well. Well, on this journey of getting closer to God, I have realized that God pushed me into a state of being alone. God had to strip me away from everyone and everything to bring me closer to him. At first I didn't realize the importance of being alone. I thought it was a bad thing, but soon I realized the purpose of being alone.

The purpose of being alone is that it allows you to rely on God and God alone. There are many instances that we would rather call friends and family about situations instead of going to God with it. I know that I did this all of the time. I would go to my family and friends with situations only to feel disappointed when they didn't listen or respond the way I wanted them to. I didn't realize that my family and friends could not fix my problems and would never respond the way I wanted them to. I was always praying and asking God to fix situations, but I was making him a backup plan. I would often go to him when things with friends and family didn't go well. 

The past few months, I have felt alone. Initially, I didn't like it, but lately being alone has been my preference. I haven't been interested in things that I would normally be interested in. Instead of waiting for God to unplug me from situations, I have been unplugging myself. For example, I have been turning down different trips and invites, not because I don't want to be in the company of others, but because I would rather take the time for myself.  The time alone has really been a learning experience. I have learned to enjoy myself. I have learned more about myself in these few months than I have my entire life. I have learned to go to God with disappointments, hurt, pain, and any situation rather than picking up the phone and calling family or friends. 

I know that when I leave this phase my relationship with God and myself will be much stronger. So, I encourage you to learn to be alone. Being alone doesn't mean that you are a lonely person, it just means that you know how to unplug from everything. Unplugging allows you to have one on one time with yourself and God. Trust me the one on one time is needed. When you learn to have one on one time, you will find your self disappointed in others much less.