It's Time For CHANGE!!!!

      For weeks, I have been putting off launching my organization. For some reason, I didn’t have the energy or the get up and go to do it. I would work on it, but I couldn’t finalize anything. Well today as I was looking through my timeline on Facebook, I saw that the trending topic was “Alton Sterling”. A couple statuses stuck with me. The first was a status expressing concern over raising a black boy or girl in America. The second was a status portraying Alton as a family man before he is betrayed as a thug. Both of these statuses troubled me. Why? Because I am a black woman raising a black son. Do I want my son or anyone else to experience this pain? No. Will my son and I be exempt from the stereotypes, the negativity, and the injustice? No. Prior to today, the issues of “being black in America” has crossed my mind, but I didn’t get the same feeling that I got today. Today it felt that Alton was my family. It felt that Alton was my husband. It felt that Alton was my father. It felt that Alton was my brother. It felt that Alton was my son. My heart ached. How would this family cope with the loss of their loved one? How could they get past the treacherous video of his last moments? How could they trust a justice system that has failed them time and time again? How could they make sense out of a senseless act? How could they find comfort, when their heart is filled with hurt, pain, anger, and confusion?

     I normally refrain from commenting on situations such as this because the comments are normally treacherous. You have those who automatically assume that the person killed was in the wrong. You have those who assume that the officer was wrong. You have those who are seeking an opportunity to jump on a bandwagon. You just have so many different opinions until it leads to the back and forth, which ends with no solution. Well today, I want to voice my opinion and give my thoughts. I agree with the status discussing the fear of raising your son or daughters in society today. It’s scary. I want my son to respect law enforcement. I want him to live a life in which he upholds the law. I want him to do so many things, but does this mean that he will follow my every instruction? Does this mean that he can’t get caught in the wrong place? Does this mean that he won’t get caught in a similar situation? Does his mistakes and behaviors justify him being gun downed and killed? I hope most people answered NO to those questions. I can raise my son to the best of my ability. I can put him in the best schools, expose him to the world, teach him etiquette and respect, but yet he can still end up in a situation that I never imagined. That is what I fear the most. Will my son be the next victim? Will he be the one being judged and treated like scum? Will he be that angry black man that people assume is up to no good? Will I get the call that my son has been hurt or even killed?

     Now some may say, well what about the good police officers? What about the police officers whose lives have been taken? I agree. There are some excellent police officers. There are some men who dedicate their lives to keeping the streets safe each day. But just as there are some bad “citizens” there are also some bad cops. Let’s face the fact. There are. In no way am I saying that a bad cop deserves death, but I am saying that the badge should not be a pass to treat citizens any kind of way. A badge is not a pass to stereotype. A badge is not a pass to treat people like that are less than human. The badge should be worn with honor, and there are some cops who do just that. Just last week I experienced a co-workers grief when his brother, an honored police officer, was gunned down by a man. The man cold-bloodedly killed the officer. That officer’s family was left hurt. I was equally saddened in this situation because it showed me that we live in a world where those who serve and protect us aren’t even safe. Those men who are on the streets each day trying to protect us aren’t respected.

      The current issues leave me confused. The communication and relationships between police and citizens is destroyed. There is a dialogue needed, but no one is stepping up and making it happen. How are mother’s supposed to raise their kids? You tell your kids respect police, but what if their respect is viewed as a threat? What happens when their appearance or the way they speak is viewed as threat? What happens when the place that they are visiting is viewed as a zone of danger? What happens when they encounter the wrong officer at the wrong moment? How do I teach my son to live in a place where the relationship between police and citizens is strained? Now, you should also ask “how are police officer’s supposed to do their jobs?” Should they walk around in fear? Should turn the other way when a crime is being committed? Should they fear that they will be targeted? It’s difficult for everyone when the lines are completely blurred.

      As an officer of the court, an attorney, it is my ethical duty to uphold the law. But how do I teach my son to respect the law when it seems like the law is failing him?  I don’t want my son to walk around in fear. I want him to be able to trust the police and go to the police if he ever needs help. I don’t want him to be afraid when he sees a police car. I don’t want him to feel that he needs to run when he sees a police officer. I want him to be able to show respect and be himself. I don’t want him labeled or judged. I want him to have a healthy relationship with officers. I don’t want this constant agony for anyone.

      It’s time to stop jumping on bandwagons, and get some things done. It’s time to work toward better relationships and healing. It’s time to turn the movement into action. It’s time that we become trailblazers and heal our nation. It’s time that we stand up for our sons, daughters, and officers. It’s time that we revisit our individual roles in society and act on those roles. It’s time for change. I’m not 100% certain of how I am going to put things into action, but I ask that you join me in pushing and working for change.

Make time for GOD

Today is day 31, which ends the 31 day challenge. During this 31 day challenge I have done a lot of analyzing. When starting this challenge, I knew that it would be tough writing each day. I would have to find time to write each day, and my schedule was already jammed packed. Although my schedule was packed, I knew that I needed to do this challenge because I needed to draw closer to God. This challenge has helped me draw closer to God because it has allowed me to recognize issues and situations that prevent me from getting closer to him. 

Overall, the thirty day challenge has taught me that I should always make time to meditate and have some one on one time with the most important person in my life. I need to take time out of my schedule for God each day. Spending time with him will allow me to put things in to perspective and to release a lot of unwanted pressure. I must admit that this challenge has been my personal time with God. I have allowed him to use me throughout this process, and it has really been eye opening. 

I encourage each of you to find time throughout you day to spend it with only God. Choose to write, read, sing, or do whatever will clear your head. Just give God some personal time. Trust me when I say, that personal time will be life changing. You will feel renewed. You will get a boost of energy like no other. Make it a habit of giving him personal time. It may take waking a little earlier, going to bed a little later, or even taking time out of your lunch break. Where ever you find the time, give him that time, and watch how he works. 

When started the challenge, I said that I wanted to identify and work on flaws that are preventing me from getting closer to him. While I have discovered a lot of things, I am not completely there. The work must continue. I know that I am going to have to continue this journey. While the challenge ends today, I will make it a priority to give God his deserved time. I am not going to publish each day but I will make sure that I find ways to give him his time. So, I encourage each of you to make time for God every single day. 

Accept it or Move on

Have you ever been annoyed with a person until it was unbearable? If you could only change that one thing about a person, the world would be so much better. I'm sure we all have encountered people that we wanted to change. For some of us it could be family, friends, significant others, classmates, or coworkers. We adore the person, and may even love the person, but its one thing (maybe two or three) that annoys you to the core. If only you could change that one thing. You probably have went as far as nagging the person, and trying to convince them to change it. In most cases, the person will not change and it leaves you even more frustrated. Well, let's face it. We simply can't change people. People change because they want to change, and not because we want them  to change. 

Think about it. We do things that I am sure is annoying to others. Do we change just because the next person thinks we should change? There are also some things that we want to change about ourselves that we struggle with changing. Changing is not always easy. This is why we shouldn't try to force change on others. If someone is not who we want them to be or they do things that we don't like we must remember that they have to want to change those things. Would you change just because it was annoying to someone else? So, if you find yourself in a similar situation, you either accept it or move on. 

First, you can choose to accept the person for who they are. Sometimes you have to accept people as a whole, with flaws and all. Keep in mind, we all have flaws and I am sure that you do some annoying things as well. Complaining or getting bent out of shape over it will not help the situation or make it better. It will only have you upset, while the person will continue doing what you are upset over. Instead of focusing on it, accept it and get over it. Don't think about what they do to annoy you, focus on the good things. Don't waste you time thinking that your anger or nagging will change the person or issue. 

Second, you can choose to move on. You have the choice of being around the person. You can choose to cease all dealings with the person or limit them. This means that if you feel that whatever the person is doing is unbearable, you have the choice of whether you want to deal with it. You are not forced to put up with the behavior. So, if you feel that you can't accept it. Move on and prevent the anger, blow ups, and nervous breakdown. 

So, instead of getting upset when someone doesn't change, remember that we are all human and have flaws. You simply can't change people. People change because they want to change. Also, what bothers you may not bother that person. They may enjoy what bothers you. So, instead of getting upset and lashing out or nagging, remember that you can ACCEPT IT or MOVE ON. 

Choose Your Battles

A couple of days ago, I wrote a post on "winning the battles to win the war". While it is true that we have to win the battles to win the war, we must also choose which battles to fight. Not every battle is worthy for us to enter. Some battles we should avoid because they will do more harm than good. This means that some situations we need to learn to avoid. We may think that we should slay a particular dragon and we very well may be successful, but the cost can be great. Some battles are not true battles. Instead they are bait. Bait is defined as food used to entice fish or other animals as prey. Just as bait is used to lure animals as prey, some battles lure us in as prey. This is why we need to be mindful of the battles that we decide to enter.

On yesterday, I drove a neighbor to our local Kroger. As I waited my turn to have some meat cut, she waited at the sub-station for someone to assist her. A deli worker was assisting a customer with a "hot item", and my neighbor interrupted asking who was working the area. The deli worker responded with a very bad attitude. Immediately, my neighbor took the bait and entered the battle. She yelled back and they went on and on. To make the story short, the manager was called twice, and the sandwich was free. The manager looked at the shocked look on my face and said let me fix you a sandwich because I see it all over your face. After everything calmed down I spoke with the deli worker. Before I could say anything she said I apologize if I offended you. I told her that she hadn't offended me and that I apologized for the huge blow up. We smiled at each other and I walked away. Well by this time my neighbor was upfront still going off. Everybody was looking, and I was mortified.

As I drove home, she was still going on and I think I almost lost it. I told her that she had acted worse than the employee. I understood that initially the employee had a bad attitude, but two bad attitudes don't make for a solution. My neighbor had taken the bait. She had entered a battle that she had won, but it didn't do anything positive for her. That was a battle that she should have walked away from. What did she gain other than a sandwich? By the end of the argument everyone is upset, and you are all bent out of shape about a rude comment. I know their have been times that I snapped, but lately I have realized that sometimes it is best to be silent. You never know who may be around viewing your actions. Taking the bait can end you or your career in an instant. Would it still be worth it?

As I explained to her, sometimes we allow our inner problems to force us to take the bait. When we take the bait we are in the battle fighting hard for something that is not worth it. We all need to learn that some battles are not worthy of our time. Honestly, some battles we are too good for. Some we don't have time for. I would much rather spend my time doing something more productive than fighting a battle that would not do anything for me. So, I encourage you to think before you take the bait. Think before you fight a battle that will do more damage than good. Learn to CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES WISELY.

Accepting Help Doesn't Make You Helpless...

It is so common for people to be quick to help others, but slow to accept help. I know that I am one of those people. I have no problem jumping to someone else's rescue, but I am skeptical of allowing someone else to jump to my rescue. There have been times when I desperately needed help, but I struggled with putting my pride to the side and simply asking for help. I am sure this is the same for many people. Most of us are so used to playing "Super Man" of "Super Woman", and are so used to doing things on our own, until we ignore the signs that help is needed. Many of us are taught to be strong, independent, and self-sufficient, which causes us to view help as a weakness. Today, I am here to tell you to "LEARN TO ACCEPT THE HELP".

First, get it out of your head that help is a sign of weakness. Help doesn't mean that you can't do something, or that you are not capable or qualified to do it. It also does not mean that someone can do it better. Help can lift a burden, make the task easier, or more enjoyable. Remember, God knows when we are overwhelmed, and he will send help to relieve some stress. Our plates may be too full, and the help will allow us to get more done or to get it done on time. We shouldn't compromise ourselves or the task at hand all because we want to be stubborn. Let's admit it, sometimes we just can't do it by ourselves, and that is okay.

I am all for independence, but sometimes we have to be dependent. I am all for believing in yourself, but sometimes we have to believe in others. I think many of us have been taught not to depend on others, which has lead to us believing in only in our own abilities. Yes, this is good, but sometimes we just will not be able to get the job done. Sometimes we may be down or in a situation where we have to rely on someone else. This is the case often. We get so caught up in our day to day lives, that sometimes we forget where our strength and help really comes from. We start to think that we are doing things on our own, when really it is God who is allowing us to do those things. In some cases we also forget the people in the background who are helping us accomplish things. So, it takes going through something that requires help to make us realize that we aren't doing things alone and that we need GOD first, and other people as well.

I want you to think about times that you were in a situation or dealing with something and you needed help. Did you allow you pride or super (wo)man attitude to prevent you from getting help? Did you feel less than or weak for needing the help? I can honestly say that this has been me. I am so used to being the one to help others and get things done, until when I was in situations that required help, I would resist it until it was almost too late. I didn't like the idea of me needing help. It honestly felt weird. Sometimes I even felt like I had failed. I know that the people closest to me probably thought I was losing it because I would even lash out at them for trying to help. It wasn't that I didn't need the help, it was the fact that I was so used to trying to be independent. I had to learn that receiving help did not make me any less independent. The extra help and assistance would actually help me to be more independent.

So, I encourage you to take the HELP when needed. Don't think that you have failed when you find yourself in situations that require help. Also, thank anyone that has helped you because if you are anything like me, helping you is not always easy. LAST, remember "ACCEPTING HELP DOES NOT MAKE YOU HELPLESS.

Right is Right and Wrong is Wrong, or IS IT?

I'm sure most of us have heard the statement, "Wrong is Wrong, and Right is Right". Does this statement apply to everyone, including family and friends? Does it only apply to people you don't know, like, or are not close with? Does it apply to you? I ask these questions because many of us believe the statement, but use it loosely when it applies to ourselves or family and friends. I have witnessed people defend wrong because of a personal relationship or association rather than be honest and stand for what is right (I'm guilty myself). It shouldn't matter who the person is, if they are wrong then they are wrong. If they are right, then they are right.

It troubles me that right and wrong becomes blurred when we start to involve our feelings, personal relationships, opinions, and personal beliefs. A person's status, occupation, finances, or any other attribute should never be a factor in determining whether the person is right or wrong.  For example, your friend makes a completely inappropriate statement to someone that you are not completely fond of or you don't know. You know that the statement your friend made is wrong and out of place, but because that is your friend you don't correct it or say anything. Instead, you agree with your friend, for the sake of friendship. My question is, "what good does it serve you or the friend"? Some may say loyalty. Sorry to tell you, that is not loyalty. Loyalty is defined as a strong feeling of support or allegiance. Support and allegiance does not mean contributing to a person's wrong doing. Contributing to a person's wrong doesn't help them, but harms them.

Think about this. Would you like someone to do wrong to you, but get away with it because of who they are? Wouldn't that make you feel less than? Wouldn't you agree that you deserve the same respect as everyone else? Well, when you uphold the wrong of others, you are contributing to them doing wrong. You are saying that everyone does not deserve the same respect. I am pretty sure you would not want to be done that way. If someone is wrong, they are just wrong. It is okay to express that. No, you don't have to make a scene about them being wrong, but you definitely should not condone it. Also, if the person doesn't want or expect you to be honest with them, then maybe you should rethink your association with them.

So, tonight I encourage you stand up for what is right. Don't jump on board with behaviors that you know is wrong. It should not matter if it is a friend, family, or role model. If it is wrong, it's just wrong. Don't get caught condoning wrong because one day it may be you who are being wronged with others jumping on the bandwagon. So, if you believe the statement "Right is Right, and Wrong is Wrong", stand by it regardless of who it affects.

Waiting is teaching me patience

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you can't get it off of your mind? You checked your phone, email, Facebook account, or messages compulsively. If only it would happen right now.  Well, I am guilty of all of those things. When waiting for something I really want or need, I easily become obsessed with it. If something doesn't happen quickly, I wait anxiously. My mind does not rest. My anxiety sometimes turns into anger. To be honest, I think I turn into a "mad woman". My emotions are usually all over the place. One minute, happy and patiently waiting, the next minute being confident that it will happen soon, then nervous because it isn't happening, and then sad because I am on the brink of giving up, and then angry because I just don't understand why it's taking so long. The crazy thing about all of the emotions is that I usually experience all of them in one day.

Well, lately I have been forced to wait on some things. Initially, I was very impatient and (grumpy), but currently I am accepting my period of waiting. I have realized that being upset, anxious, and sad about waiting only makes waiting more miserable. Sitting around thinking about it makes it seem like you are waiting that much longer. Instead of focusing on what you are waiting for, focus on the present. Focus on what you can be and should be doing now. Trust me. I know that it is easier said than done. Although it may be hard, you must not worry and be frantic over your period of waiting.

I have decided to use this time to better myself. The first thing on that list is patience. If your waiting period doesn't teach you anything, it will teach you patience. We live in a world where it seems that you can get pretty much everything in an instance. There are so many options to speed up things. For example, TV dinners give you a meal in minutes or you can order something today and have it delivered the next day. Everything seems to happen in the blink of an eye. Sadly, everything doesn't work that way. Some things we have to wait for. Sometimes God makes us wait for what we have prayed for, and in this instant world it is very difficult to wait. Waiting is where you will learn to be patient if you don't learn anything else.

So, if you don't take anything from this post, please remember that you can't rush your waiting period. God has the perfect timing for what you are praying for. Don't drive yourself crazy wondering if it will happen today, tomorrow, or the next day. It may not happen for a week, a month, or a year. Don't focus on when it will happen because it will only play on your emotions. There is no need to get upset, just trust that God will provide you with your needs. Overall, learn to be patient. Patience will not only save you from being an emotional wreck, but it will also allow you to enjoy your period of waiting. So, don't learn the hard way as I did, allow your waiting period to teach you patience.