Some people are just "SEASONAL"

Have you ever supported someone through the storm only to have them disappear when the storm subsided? Have you worked hard to solve someone's problems only to have them turn their backs when the problem is resolved? I'm sure most of us have dealt with situations similar. It is normal to get upset and feel used, but we have to realize that these people are "SEASONAL". I recall on many occasions getting angry thinking about the time and effort I put into helping someone only to have them disappear when life seemed better or when I needed them. However, I have learned to accept that some people only come into your life for a season. Yes, I had heard the saying before, but I didn't really grasp it because I would get angry when those seasonal people left me high and dry. I would question whether they were ever loyal or if they were in it for their benefit. Honestly, I would get angry because I felt used. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I shouldn't feel used because each "SEASONAL" person was a learning lesson.

First, my encounters with seasonal people taught me to give without expecting to receive the same treatment in return. Yes, most of us have grown up hearing "do unto others as you will have them do unto you". I agree that we should treat others how we want them to treat us, but this doesn't always happen. Everyone doesn't live by the GOLDEN RULE. Instead of worrying about the person returning the favor, just do as your heart tells you. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying be crazy either. I'm just saying, If that person is your "FRIEND" or "FAMILY" and in your heart you want to help, help them without expecting something in return. When you help them, it doesn't matter if they ever return the favor. If we learn to go into situations with the mindset, "I'm helping because it's the right thing to do, or because I want to", we want be disappointed when the seasonal people disappear or fail to return the favor.

Second, the seasonal people made room for the lifetime people. Wouldn't you rather have someone around who is there for the long haul? Well, most times the "LIFETIME" person can't come around because the "SEASONAL" person is keeping the spot warm. This is why we have to learn to let go. Don't get angry.  Instead, cut ties and prepare for those people who are going to stick around. When that seasonal person chooses to leave, don't waste any more energy or time talking about it, thinking about it, or trying to fix the situation. Let them go. Trust me, you will appreciate it in the long run.

Third, the seasonal people taught me something about myself. Why did I do what I did? Why did I allow the person in? Instead of focusing on them and the type of person they are, focus on you and why you attracted that type of person. Focus on making yourself better. That person should not be your concern. Trust me they aren't concerned about you or your feelings. If so, they wouldn't have been seasonal and would still be around. So, don't give them that much power. Take the situation and make it a learning situation. Grow from it.

Fourth, I had to learn to forgive and let go. We are human, so we get mad when we feel used or abandoned. We want to retaliate or tell the person how we feel. I understand wanting to let the person have it, but it's not worth it. The best thing you can do is move on like it never happened. Trust me that person will see you living and moving forward. They will probably even need you again. They will feel worse when they see you aren't holding grudges and have moved on with your life. Don't give them anything to discuss or use against you. Move on.

In life we run across many people who are seasonal. We often confuse them with lifetime people because at the start the friendships and relationships are good. I know that I am guilty of giving people the benefit, and ignoring signs that they aren't in it for the long haul. Although at first I was angry, I realized that those encounter have taught me lessons that I can appreciate. So, don't get angry at those "SEASONAL" people. Forgive them, move forward, and take it as learning experience.

It's okay to be selfish sometimes!!!!!

First, let me start by saying that this 31 day challenge has really been therapeutic and has forced me to acknowledge a lot of things I needed to change. Initially, I thought it would be a hassle figuring out what to write about, but I can honestly say ideas and thoughts have been constantly flowing. Well, today, I realized that I was in dire need of a vacation. I need to get away with no distractions. Why do I need a vacation? Because I do not say NO enough. I realized that sometimes you just have to be selfish. While many people think being selfish is a bad thing, it is a healthy thing as well. Think about it. Most of us wear several different hats. We are devoted mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, friends, coworkers, and so much more. If you happen to be a parent, you wear many other hats. For example, as a parent you play housekeeper, doctor, counselor, playmate, problem solver, and everything your child needs you to be. So, trust me when I say it is okay to be selfish sometimes.

While thinking, I also realized that most of us choose to carry the problems and burdens of others. All of us have those family members, friends, and associates who choose us to vent to. Even when our own lives are hectic, we still find time to listen, and occasionally offer some advice. Well, being the ear and shoulder for someone else on top of wearing all of your own hats can be very burdensome and draining so you should say no and be selfish sometimes. So, here's five reasons you should be selfish.

1. Superhero's are fictional characters who have supernatural powers. You are a "real" person, so you are not a superhero, meaning that you do not possess the power to carry the weight of the world.

All of us at some point in our lives have played "superhero" for our family, friends, employer, associates, organizations, or church. When asked to do something we feel inclined to say yes, even if our plates are already running over. We act like we can create more hours in a day, more days in a week, more weeks in a month, and more months in a year. We act like we can live off ZERO sleep, a POOR diet, and NO energy. Instead of saying not this time, we pretend to be supernatural and take on the task. Well, I am sorry to say "superheros" belong in books and fantasy lands. If you know your plate is already full and running over, do not pretend that you have the time and energy. Say no. Yes, you may want to help, but you simply can not. RETIRE THE CAPE AND SUPERHERO ATTIRE AND SAY NO.

2. Although you care about your friends and family, you can't fix their problems, and you should not destroy yourself trying.

We all have those friends and family that call us every time they have a problem. Sometimes it is the same problem. We listen for hours only to reach no solution. It's an ongoing cycle. While you care and desire helping, it can be very draining. Although our family and friends are important parts of our lives, some situations should be left to them to fix. Instead of enabling and picking up the phone for the same conversation a million times. STEP BACK AND STOP PRETENDING TO BE A COUNSELOR AND USE THAT ENERGY TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF.

3. Those things that you think need your immediate attention probably can wait.

Some days are more draining than others. On those rough days, it seems that you have a million things to get done. You run around with no sense of direction which makes things that more chaotic. You feel overwhelmed, and every little thing seems to tick you off. Well, Guess What? You probably need to abandon a few things for the day, and take a much needed WOOSAH. If you don't make it to the dry cleaners, or wash that load of clothes, the world will not end. Your sanity is much more important than a load of clothes. So, IF NEEDED ABANDON A CHORE OR ERRAND, THE WORLD WILL NOT END.

4. When you break down, some of the same people you broke down over will not be there to assist you in your recovery.

Ok. Let's be honest. How many times have you broken down and felt you had no one to call? Have you ever been at the brink of a melt down, and the same person you talk off the ledge seems to be too busy? Well, that is a common thing. Most times, the person you are always there for, will not return the favor. Instead of focusing on your issues, it is common for them to continue to focus on their own issues. I don't think it is a purposeful thing, but some people just feel that you have it all together and doesn't realize when you are having a melt down. So, GET SOME REST, AND AVOID MELT DOWNS.

5. Taking some "ME TIME" is good for you and everyone you encounter.

Last, when you don't take me time, you feel crazy. You start to half do things, and make crazy choices. When you don't take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally, you are not as sharp. To prevent going crazy "TAKE SOME TIME FOR RELAXATION".

So, the main goal of this post is to encourage everyone to take time for themselves. Many of us are so used to taking care of everybody else until we forget to take care of ourselves. Failing to take care of ourselves takes a toll on our lives in every aspect. Instead of over working ourselves, we need to learn to be SELFISH. So, every now and then miss a phone call, ignore a text, stay away from social media, skip a meeting, sleep in, take a walk, or get away. JUST REMEMBER, IT'S OKAY TO BE SELFISH SOMETIMES.

Never Kick Someone When They're Down

Today, I was planning to write about something else, but after reading something online I decided to save that topic for another day. It was a tweet from someone that I do not know that struck a nerve. The tweet said “One day ya'll are calling #LamarOdom a "crackhead", the next you're "praying for him". Learn to care when something isn't trending”. This statement struck a nerve because we can truly be some cruel people. There are so many viral videos that hurt people and cause more harm to their current situation. We, including “myself”, find humor in other people’s issues and downfalls. While we may not do it intentionally or outright, we are finding humor when we jump on the bandwagon of trending topics. 

For example, when we see someone lashing out and compromises themselves, we place these funny meme’s on them or follow-up with some type of judgment or harsh comment. We don’t stop to think about the real issue. Yes, that person is lashing out, and may be making a complete fool of themselves. They may be responsible for their downfall. You may even think that person had it easy, and made a stupid choice. All of these things does not make it okay to criticize the person during their downfall.

 I know all of us have heard the saying, “NEVER KICK A MAN WHILE HE IS DOWN”. Well, guess what? We do this all of the time.  When a person is in their toughest situations, somehow we lose compassion. We forget that the person is human. We forget that we are human and will go through some things. While I know that I have done this, I hate that we as people find humor or gratification in the downfall in someone else. Not to sound self-righteous, but we need to start uplifting each other more. We need to start recognizing when there is a problem with others, and reach out and help instead of participating in their demise. 

                                               

It is so hypocritical, just as the guy from twitter stated, to find humor in the demise of someone, but as soon as you see that it is may cost them their life, you want to show compassion. Instead of following the trend, show compassion from the start. Show that you care from the start. It brings me back to the young girls whose photo circulated around the internet with cruel meme’s. As soon as her mother came forward and told viewers how her daughter had suffered grave medical conditions, everyone wanted to be apologetic and show the little girl compassion. Why not show compassion from the start? Do you really have to know what someone is going through to show compassion? Do you have to see the person near death to show compassion? I hope you answered no. 

I firmly believe compassion and caring can save a life. I don’t mean to lecture or come off as if I have it all together, but this really stuck with me this morning. I think we (me and anybody reading) should come together and pledge “that we will learn to show compassion and empathy”. Instead of taking part in the demise of others, uplift. Don’t get caught in joining the trends that are humorous at the cost of others. JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON OF COMPASSION.

Sometimes You Have To Lose To WIN!

Jay was 6ft 8 in, 210 pounds. He averaged 29 points, 8.3 rebounds, and 3.3 steals a game. He was recognized in the local newspaper weekly, and the NBA was taking notice. The high school standout was a beast on the court. Jay dominated the court and led his team to many victories and championships. After a huge victory, the coach told the team to go home, rest, and think about what they could have done better in the game. He wanted them to work on those things in the next practice to prepare for the tough game that they had coming up. The team’s “superstar”, Jay, was accustomed to winning, so he felt that he didn’t have to evaluate his skills or how he performed in the game. He scored most of the points, he dominated the court, and the team won. He didn’t lose, so why would he evaluate what he did wrong? Everything was working for him, why change or look back now? The next game was a very close one. The opposing team was just as good and they too had a star player who averaged about the same as Jay. The only difference was that the opposing teams star evaluated himself after each game regardless of a win or lose.

There was 6 seconds on the clock, the score was 78 to 77 (Jay’s team was down), and the other team had fouled Jay. Jay had two shots and if he made one he could tie the game, if he made both he could win. The fans were confident because their star player would sink the next two shots. Jay missed both, and his team lost. After the game, he was talking to his coach and he stated that he realized that he wasn’t as strong at the free-throw line. He could use some more practice and hard work. Jay realized that he should have taken the time before suffering a loss to evaluate his performance. But, let’s be honest. Many of us fail to self-evaluate during our highs and wins. It usually takes a loss to push us into self-evaluation.

Looking back at all of the times I took a “loss” or “failed”, I have realized that before losing, I didn’t self-evaluate. I didn’t take the time to analyze and figure out how I could be better. No one likes to lose, but so much good can come out of losing. Let’s be honest, when most of us are at our prime and winning, do we spend time thinking about what we did wrong? Do we critique ourselves? In most cases, we don’t. It normally takes a loss to force us into self-evaluation. So, from this point forward think about your losses or failures as a time to make yourself better. Use the time to become a “true beast” in whatever it is you failed at. Use that time to become polished. Don’t allow the failure or loss to get you down. Think about it as a time for more training.

Losing can also bring us back down to earth. Just like the basketball player discussed earlier, many of us don’t focus on our weaknesses when we are winning. We abandon those weaknesses because it seems that everything is working out despite having them. We don’t see a need in working on those weaknesses because we are great. However, when we fail, we immediately think about those things we were weak in. Let’s not get so big until we forget that we are not perfect. Let’s deal with it up front. Let’s not crush our own hearts by walking around as if we are “GOD” with no flaws. It’s is perfectly fine to have weaknesses because we all do. It is more becoming to be able to recognize your weaknesses. It provides for growth in that area.

So, when you lose, don’t get angry and down. SELF-EVALUATE. Identify your weak areas. Work hard to get better. Also, don’t get “big headed”. Always work to better yourself. Never think that you are without any weakness. Remember, “SOMETIMES IT TAKES A LOSS”.

Are You HUMBLE?

I know most of us have heard the saying "Don't forget where you come from". Well, I will like to expand on that saying. Never forget what you have gone through. No, you don't have to dwell on it, but don't forget the blood, sweat, tears before the accomplishments and success. Many of us are quick to put the struggle behind us, and act as if there was never a struggle (or hardship). Yes, be happy with what you have accomplished, but REMAIN HUMBLE. I have witnessed, and been guilty, of allowing my accomplishments to mask my past struggles.

Being humble is very important. Being humble allows you to be empathetic. Empathy is important because it allows us to understand and relate to the feeling and problems of others. Sometimes we get so caught up into our own success and status, until we forget those who may be struggling. Instead of being empathetic and providing encouragement, we act as if we have never been down. Today, I sat and reminisced on my trials, tough times, tears, and disappointments. I also thought about my achievements and accomplishments. I began to realize that in my success, I didn't really humble myself. I allowed pride to blind me.

In 1 Peter 5:6, God tells us to "humble ourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift us up in honor". This means that God doesn't want us to walk around with "big heads" acting as if we are responsible for our on fate. God wants us to humble ourselves. He wants us to remember those things that we went through. He never wants us to think that we are more than others. When we learn to be humble, God promises that he will exalt us.

Please don't think that I am saying not to be proud of your success. Be proud. Be happy. Celebrate. Share your moments. Do all of these things, but do not look down on others in the process. I have witnessed others look down on others for being in situations that they were once in. Don't allow success to cause you to forget how to be empathetic for others. Use your success to push and motivate others. Use your success as a teachable moment. Just don't allow yourself to become arrogant.

So, I encourage each of you to sit and think about your accomplishments. After thinking about your accomplishments, think about the blood, sweat, and tears that helped you get to those accomplishments. Also, think about times you failed to be humble (I'm sure all of us has). Last, always make an effort to be humble and empathetic to others. Remember, God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble (James 4:6).

Let Go of the Grudges

Grudge. A "Grudge" is a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury. It's a persistent feeling, meaning that it's a feeling that we allow to linger for an extended period of time. The cause of the resentment or ill will is a past insult or injury. All of us have held grudges. We may be currently holding grudges against someone who has hurt or betrayed us in the past. When we hold grudges, we are constantly taking the past into our future. In others words we are allowing those past hurts to affect our future, when we should forgive and move on.

I am very guilty of holding grudges. I think I was the queen of holding grudges. Someone would make me mad, and that was murder she wrote. I would hold on to it until I couldn't hold on to it anymore. My mom used to always tell me that "You have to learn to treat people with a long handled spoon, you can't just get mad and hold on to those feelings". Trust me, I was not hearing that. I was hurt and I wanted that person to know that they better not ever say two words to me. I wanted them to know that I was angry and I wanted them to feel my wrath.

Well lately I have been doing a little evaluating of myself and I realized that those grudges were affecting my future. I was allowing those negative interactions and situations to follow me into places that they didn't deserve to be. Let's be honest. Most times those situations, interactions, and "people" are not that important. So, why should we allow those unimportant situations, interactions, and people to interfere with our happiness and future. And as far as letting them know that they have hurt you, you don't have to. You don't have to inform someone that they have hurt you they already know. It also doesn't matter if the person apologizes or tries to fix the situation. Simply forgive and let go.

The moment I started forgiving and moving on was the moment that I started being genuinely happy. Those people and situations did not matter anymore. I even realized that some situations didn't even deserve my energy or time. I can honestly say that today I am free of grudges. I refuse to allow the unimportant situations, interactions, and people into my future. So, I encourage you to forgive and move on. Don't hold the grudge, let it go. Don't worry about the situation or the person who caused the situation. Live your life free of grudges. Trust me it is a much better feeling.

Being Alone Is Not That Bad

Being alone. How many of us can honestly say that you enjoy being alone? Sometimes being alone is okay, but being in the company of others is needed as well. Well, on this journey of getting closer to God, I have realized that God pushed me into a state of being alone. God had to strip me away from everyone and everything to bring me closer to him. At first I didn't realize the importance of being alone. I thought it was a bad thing, but soon I realized the purpose of being alone.

The purpose of being alone is that it allows you to rely on God and God alone. There are many instances that we would rather call friends and family about situations instead of going to God with it. I know that I did this all of the time. I would go to my family and friends with situations only to feel disappointed when they didn't listen or respond the way I wanted them to. I didn't realize that my family and friends could not fix my problems and would never respond the way I wanted them to. I was always praying and asking God to fix situations, but I was making him a backup plan. I would often go to him when things with friends and family didn't go well. 

The past few months, I have felt alone. Initially, I didn't like it, but lately being alone has been my preference. I haven't been interested in things that I would normally be interested in. Instead of waiting for God to unplug me from situations, I have been unplugging myself. For example, I have been turning down different trips and invites, not because I don't want to be in the company of others, but because I would rather take the time for myself.  The time alone has really been a learning experience. I have learned to enjoy myself. I have learned more about myself in these few months than I have my entire life. I have learned to go to God with disappointments, hurt, pain, and any situation rather than picking up the phone and calling family or friends. 

I know that when I leave this phase my relationship with God and myself will be much stronger. So, I encourage you to learn to be alone. Being alone doesn't mean that you are a lonely person, it just means that you know how to unplug from everything. Unplugging allows you to have one on one time with yourself and God. Trust me the one on one time is needed. When you learn to have one on one time, you will find your self disappointed in others much less.