"I LOVE FOOD or SO I THOUGHT"

This morning as I was commuting to work, I was speaking with my about my weight loss plans. I was eager to tell her about my green smoothies, slim fast shakes, healthy snacks, lite dinners, and strenuous exercises. As our conversation continued, we began to discuss the troubles and struggles that came along with life, and suddenly I blurted out, I love food. I went on to explain that I loved food so much that it made it hard for me to lose weight. I sort of laughed at the fact that I would pig out and gobble down sooooo much food. The conversation grew even deeper and I revealed that my eating pattern was so crazy because I was a stress eater. When things seemed tough, I would often binge eat. I would eat just because, and not because I was hungry. I would ignore all of the signs that I was full and completely pig out. As my friend continued to talk, the following question hit me: “Is the issue that you love food or do you lack love for yourself?” Immediately I wanted to get off of the phone and write because the question had validity. DID I LOVE FOOD OR DID I NOT LOVE MYSELF?

For so long, I blamed my weight on food. I blamed food for not being able to fit some clothes. Food was my problem, and only if I could stop eating so much the weight would just fall off. That was really untrue. The problem wasn’t food. The problem was me and my lack of love for myself. If I truly loved myself I wouldn’t do things that would harm me. When I was sad and pigged out, I held on to food because I felt that was the only thing I could control. That was the only thing that made me feel good because I did not feel good about myself. It’s no secret that I didn’t feel good about myself. It’s no secret that I struggled with my self-esteem. Food was just another cover up for it. I had used success as a cover up, and now it was food. Many people don’t realize that low self-esteem is a real problem. Low self-esteem can really be crippling. It can tear down a person until the person is completely destroyed. Just like any other disease or sickness, it is a healing process. It doesn’t happen overnight. It will take Time.

For the longest time I didn’t like the person that I was. I had so many negative qualities. I wanted to completely change. I wanted a new start, a new identity. I wanted to be anything or anyone, but myself. People would say, you have this or you have that, you should love yourself. None of that matter. It didn’t matter what I had or what I had accomplished. I didn’t love me. I didn’t love Neisha for Neisha. I didn’t look in the mirror and say, dang I love that girl. In Psalms 8, it tells us how god gave us dominion over everything. He gave us dominion over the animals, the land, and the world. He gave us the authority this authority. If you still don’t see how important you are from Psalms 8, listen to this example. There are 8 planets. Mercury can reach a temperature of 780 degrees. Venus has clouds that drip sulphuric acid. Mars has an atmosphere that is similar to car exhaust. Jupiter is made up of the explosive mixture Sulphur and Phosphorus. Saturn’s raindrops are made up of methane gas. Uranus is covered with radioactive smog. Neptune is super cold and daylight is a stranger. Pluto is frozen solid. The only thriving planet is Earth. Earth is the only thriving planet, and God gave us, HUMAN, dominion over it. Does this tell you something? Does this tell you how much God loves you? If it doesn’t it should.

God loves us. He loves so much that he chose us to control EARTH. So why should we not love ourselves. Who are we to say that we are not good enough? Who are we to say that God’s Creation is not good enough? If God loves us through it all, then we should do the same for ourselves. He didn’t create us to be perfect. He didn’t create us with the expectation that we would do everything right. He created us and gave us authority out of love. So, that means that we should love ourselves. So, I bet you are thinking that the title has nothing to do with anything I have said, but it does. Just think about it. Many times we use excuses for situations that are much deeper. For example, I was using the love of food to ignore the fact that I didn’t love myself like I should have. If I really loved myself, why would I gobble down all of those calories? Why was I living so recklessly when it came to my body and my physical health? I was living recklessly. Often times we do things and take things as result of low self-esteem or the lack of self-love. Think about how some people stay in abusive relationships. They will give you a million excuses to why they are staying, but the most prevalent reason, is the lack of self-love.

So, as always I try to leave you with an assignment. Today’s assignment is to evaluate your life and your habits. Think about the things that you do that you know are harmful to you. It could be physically, emotionally, or mentally. Now, think about the real reason you are allowing this to continue to hurt you. After getting to the real reason, work to change that. Work to become a better you. So, I will no longer allow food to be my cover up. I am on a journey to a better me. So, that means I am tearing down barriers one day at a time.