Walking Away Is Not About You, It’s About Me

Walking away does not mean that I don’t love you. Walking away does not mean that I don’t care. Walking away doesn’t mean that I want miss you. Walking away does not mean that I am angry. Walking away does not mean that I am abandoning you. Walking away does not mean that I don’t wish the best for you. Walking away simply means that I love “me” more. It means that I need “me” more. Walking away may hurt, offend, or make you angry, but me walking away is not about you. It’s about me and what I need.

Think about it. Many of us are fixers by nature. We think that we can fix everything and everybody. We give 100% of ourselves to other people and situations. If they need it, we will give it. We run around being Olivia Pope for everyone, but ourselves. We give, fix, give, fix, give, and fix. Sadly, when we need the same thing from the very people that we have played Olivia Pope to, we don’t get it in return. I’m not saying that the person or people don’t want to help. In some cases they probably can’t help. My point is that you should never give so much until you have nothing left to give to yourself.

Fixers don’t only give material things. Fixers give away time, dedication, emotional support, encouragement, blood, sweat, and tears. Fixers give away things that they can’t get back. After you have invested your time, emotions, blood, sweat and tears you will never get it back. It’s gone. A fixer wants the best for people that they love. They want to help others become the best that they can be, so it is natural for a fixer to come to the rescue when called on. Fixers go beyond just helping. Fixers normally take on the project and they often make it their own. The problem or situation becomes the fixer’s problem or situation. All of this okay, but there should be limitations. When you find yourself emotionally and mentally drained from being the hero all the time, it’s time to walk away. It’s time to detach from the situation and focus on the person that matters the most. It’s time to focus on you.

Think about it. What is the benefit of giving everything you have to someone causing you to rob yourself of everything? So, are you really willing to give all of your gas away to fill up someone else’s tank, but leave your  tank on empty. When you give, give, give, and give that is exactly what you are doing. To make matters worse, when you fill up their tank for so long, you will soon be unable to fill up your own tank. I completely understand helping and being there for others but you have to save and preserve some things for yourself. Be selfish. Be stingy as they kids say. Sharing is good, but sometimes you just don’t have enough to share.

When I walk away, people have to understand that it is not about them. It’s all about me and my needs. It’s about my emotional state. It’s about my hopes and desires. Walking away has no bearing on how I feel about anyone. Even if I walked away after a big blow up, it’s still not about you. Walking away is about preserving the gas that I have left. Walking away is to fulfill my passions, desires, goals, and dreams. Walking away is for my sanity.

So, if you don’t get anything from this post, remember that sometimes you need to walk away. Don’t argue, fuss, make a scene, or get ugly. SIMPLY, WALK AWAY!!!!! WALK AWAY. If you have to walk fast, jog, or even run, detach yourself. NEVER give up all you have and not be able to give to yourself.  You can love people and help them, but you have to love yourself first and more. If a person ever questions you about walking away, tell them that WALKING AWAY DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU DON’T LOVE THEM, IT MEANS THAT YOU LOVE YOU MORE. 

"I LOVE FOOD or SO I THOUGHT"

This morning as I was commuting to work, I was speaking with my about my weight loss plans. I was eager to tell her about my green smoothies, slim fast shakes, healthy snacks, lite dinners, and strenuous exercises. As our conversation continued, we began to discuss the troubles and struggles that came along with life, and suddenly I blurted out, I love food. I went on to explain that I loved food so much that it made it hard for me to lose weight. I sort of laughed at the fact that I would pig out and gobble down sooooo much food. The conversation grew even deeper and I revealed that my eating pattern was so crazy because I was a stress eater. When things seemed tough, I would often binge eat. I would eat just because, and not because I was hungry. I would ignore all of the signs that I was full and completely pig out. As my friend continued to talk, the following question hit me: “Is the issue that you love food or do you lack love for yourself?” Immediately I wanted to get off of the phone and write because the question had validity. DID I LOVE FOOD OR DID I NOT LOVE MYSELF?

For so long, I blamed my weight on food. I blamed food for not being able to fit some clothes. Food was my problem, and only if I could stop eating so much the weight would just fall off. That was really untrue. The problem wasn’t food. The problem was me and my lack of love for myself. If I truly loved myself I wouldn’t do things that would harm me. When I was sad and pigged out, I held on to food because I felt that was the only thing I could control. That was the only thing that made me feel good because I did not feel good about myself. It’s no secret that I didn’t feel good about myself. It’s no secret that I struggled with my self-esteem. Food was just another cover up for it. I had used success as a cover up, and now it was food. Many people don’t realize that low self-esteem is a real problem. Low self-esteem can really be crippling. It can tear down a person until the person is completely destroyed. Just like any other disease or sickness, it is a healing process. It doesn’t happen overnight. It will take Time.

For the longest time I didn’t like the person that I was. I had so many negative qualities. I wanted to completely change. I wanted a new start, a new identity. I wanted to be anything or anyone, but myself. People would say, you have this or you have that, you should love yourself. None of that matter. It didn’t matter what I had or what I had accomplished. I didn’t love me. I didn’t love Neisha for Neisha. I didn’t look in the mirror and say, dang I love that girl. In Psalms 8, it tells us how god gave us dominion over everything. He gave us dominion over the animals, the land, and the world. He gave us the authority this authority. If you still don’t see how important you are from Psalms 8, listen to this example. There are 8 planets. Mercury can reach a temperature of 780 degrees. Venus has clouds that drip sulphuric acid. Mars has an atmosphere that is similar to car exhaust. Jupiter is made up of the explosive mixture Sulphur and Phosphorus. Saturn’s raindrops are made up of methane gas. Uranus is covered with radioactive smog. Neptune is super cold and daylight is a stranger. Pluto is frozen solid. The only thriving planet is Earth. Earth is the only thriving planet, and God gave us, HUMAN, dominion over it. Does this tell you something? Does this tell you how much God loves you? If it doesn’t it should.

God loves us. He loves so much that he chose us to control EARTH. So why should we not love ourselves. Who are we to say that we are not good enough? Who are we to say that God’s Creation is not good enough? If God loves us through it all, then we should do the same for ourselves. He didn’t create us to be perfect. He didn’t create us with the expectation that we would do everything right. He created us and gave us authority out of love. So, that means that we should love ourselves. So, I bet you are thinking that the title has nothing to do with anything I have said, but it does. Just think about it. Many times we use excuses for situations that are much deeper. For example, I was using the love of food to ignore the fact that I didn’t love myself like I should have. If I really loved myself, why would I gobble down all of those calories? Why was I living so recklessly when it came to my body and my physical health? I was living recklessly. Often times we do things and take things as result of low self-esteem or the lack of self-love. Think about how some people stay in abusive relationships. They will give you a million excuses to why they are staying, but the most prevalent reason, is the lack of self-love.

So, as always I try to leave you with an assignment. Today’s assignment is to evaluate your life and your habits. Think about the things that you do that you know are harmful to you. It could be physically, emotionally, or mentally. Now, think about the real reason you are allowing this to continue to hurt you. After getting to the real reason, work to change that. Work to become a better you. So, I will no longer allow food to be my cover up. I am on a journey to a better me. So, that means I am tearing down barriers one day at a time. 

POWER OF PRAYER

I’m sure most of you have heard of the “Power of Prayer”. If you grew up with grandmothers like mine, you probably heard it a million times. Although we have heard the saying, it doesn’t mean that we understand the saying. I know that I didn’t completely understand what it meant by the “Power of Prayer”. Now, before you think that I can’t comprehend or I am naïve to all the miraculous things that Jesus did, understanding what this means goes wayyyyyyyyyy deeper. Trust me, I have read about the miracles of Jesus, I have listened to preachers preach about it, I have listened to my great grandmother and grandmother testify to the miracles. I had heard about all of the things that Jesus could do, and how prayer and faith could deliver us from all things, but I still wasn’t quite getting it.

For some time, I read about prayer, how to pray, and how to pray through a breakthrough. I could never find a formula or a perfect explanation. You see, I am the type of student that requires a syllabus or some type of road map. I need to see the guide to ensure that I am headed in the right direction. I need examples that clearly outline what I need to do. Well guess what, the articles weren’t doing that for me. They weren’t giving me the guide that I expected. I would spend time engulfed in articles, hoping to find some type of clue to breakthrough prayers. Sadly, I must confess that I haven’t found that guide yet.

It wasn’t until I realized that there weren’t any magic words or script that I began to understand what it meant to pray. First, when praying you must be sincere. When you are sincere you are going to God with a pure heart and with genuine feelings. Remember that you can never trick God or deceive him, so go to him with a clean heart. Go to him with true intentions. Second, speak to God. Now this was hard for me. It was really hard for me to speak with him. It was hard because I was so used to going to friends and family with my issues until I didn’t realize that God was always there for me to converse with. I should have been more confortable conversing with God as opposed to conversing with man. Third, have faith that God has a plan for you and your life, and he is more than capable of doing all things. This may be difficult as well because many times the things that we are experiencing or praying for have the tendency of blurring our vision. Often we don’t see a resolution, so we don’t believe that there is one. Remember, JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN’T SEE IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT IT CAN’T HAPPEN. Maybe God doesn’t want us to see everything because then we will not work hard for it. Maybe he wants us to put our faith in him. Last, when you give it to God, leave it alone. Don’t keep worrying about something that you have given to God. Don’t be the type of person that gives something and want it back two second later. Why worry constantly? If you could have handled it, it would have been done.

After realizing that prayer was more than words. It was a lifestyle, a mindset, and a way of living; I began to understand the “Power of Prayer”. The “Power of Prayer” means (1) Creating a relationship with God (Constant dialogue with God), (2) Being sincere and honest, (3) Having Faith in God’s capabilities, and (4) Praying More and Not Worrying. After doing these things, God will begin to move things around in your life that once felt impossible to move. So my assignment to you is, learn how to pray. Learn how to pray with purpose. Most importantly, find the POWER IN PRAYER.

“Bigger Doesn’t Always Mean Better”

Today’s world is very materialistic, which often results in  many people assuming that bigger means better. Bigger hair, bigger houses, bigger cars, bigger muscles, bigger bank accounts. Whatever it is, it must be bigger. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love nice things, and it is okay to want nice things, but you must remember that bigger doesn’t mean better. This also applies to you as a person. You may not be the skinniest, the fastest, the prettiest, or the tallest, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t capable of fulfilling the plan God has for you. The world's stereotypes or requirements do not matter. If God has ordained you for something, it is yours regardless of any requirement.

In a world where outward appearance means so much, it is important to remember that the outward appearance is not what impresses God. The outward appearance will not determine your outcome. Remember that God loves you despite it all, and you are just as good as the supermodel you look up to, or the millionaire you long to become, or the star football player who seems to get all the attention. When God has something for you, it doesn’t matter what qualifications others around you may have.

To accomplish anything, you have to believe in yourself. When you don’t believe in yourself, you are killing your own dreams. When you fail to believe in yourself, you are basically saying that you can’t do it. You are saying that you are not good enough. Just think about it. If you put energy into working hard, despite the negative commentary you will have a greater chance at accomplishing the goal as opposed to not trying at all. You have to believe in yourself first. You have to put aside the negative thoughts of yourself, and focus on the good qualities. Don’t focus on what you can’t do, but focus on what you can do. If it’s something that you can’t do, work on improving it, but don’t allow it to cause you to look down on yourself.

Think about David. David had many brothers. He had brothers who were older, bigger, and stronger. Many would have thought that they were more qualified for the job or assignment because they were older and bigger, but God viewed things completely different. God didn’t care about the outward appearance, as many of us are guilty of. He cared about what was on the inside. Because he cared about what was on the inside, David was the man for the job. David was the chosen one. This should show us that God has plans that are a perfect fit for us.

So, my assignment to you is to focus on your good qualities. Focus on what you can do. Focus on your gift. When you feel down, or like you are not good enough, remember that God made you and God didn’t make anything that he isn’t proud of. Anytime you feel rejected, make a list of the things that you do well. Look at that list and realize that God has something just for you. Also, when you are tempted to be negative towards others, do the same thing. Instead of focusing on what the person does not have or can’t do, force yourself to think about what the person is good at. Doing this is a great start to putting an end to low self-esteem and judging others.

Dealing with Life’s Woes

Life can really take a toll on you. It can have you feeling like things will never change. Life’s trials and tribulations can cause you to feel like your current situation is your forever situation. Life can drain any sense of hope you may have right out of you. Speaking from personal experience, life can really suck sometimes. I know that we are supposed to be thankful for life itself, but sometimes constant troubles prevent us from thinking about any good that has ever happened. I can clearly recall going through life on the verge of giving up each day. It seemed like the good would never happen and I would be fighting adversity all the days of my life. It seemed that the misery and heartache that I was currently feeling would be forever. I clearly recall wondering, Why me? Why do I have to experience such things?

Now I don’t want to sound like a wimp, but it really gets hard sometimes. Sometimes I take it and move on, but other times the blow literally knocks me down. For the longest time I tried relying on my own strength to get over the adversity, but each time I failed. I failed miserably, and end up in the same or worse predicament. When I failed, guess what would happen. I would get angry with God. I was hurt because I didn’t understand because I worked hard and I felt that I deserved some happiness. I felt like God had forgotten about me. I felt that he had let me down.

Instead of dusting myself off and getting up, I gave myself a big pity party. I invited every failure, every betrayal, every negative moment, every trial, every heartache, and every painful situation to the party. The room was filled with every and anything that had ever hurt me.  At that party I allowed all of those bad and negative things to replay over and over again. I allowed it to taunt me and tell me what my life would be and what I could not get through. I allowed myself to feel bad and miserable, when really I should have  found the positive and allowed God to use me in those situations for the good. I let the pity party throw me into a real depression. I let the pity party take every bit of self worth and self esteem away from me. I let it kill my spirit, drive, and dreams. I let it beat me up and make me feel worse. I allowed it to tell me that I wasn’t good enough and that I deserved to be unhappy. I let the pity control my life.

Sadly, the pity party trickled into my daily life. I expected others to feel sorry for me. I expected others to love me and make me feel better. That was the worse thing I could do. I waited for others to give me confirmation that I was loved or I was doing well. I was looking for others to do something that I had not done. I was looking for other to give me a boost when I couldn’t even begin to give myself a boost. It was terrible because seeking this confirmation from others only made my situation worse. It wasn’t until I realized that I was going about life the wrong way. I was head in the wrong direction and all of the cars were honking, blinking there lights, and trying to get my attention to tell me that I was going the wrong way. I had been given so many signs and directions, but the I had allowed life’s learning lessons to shape my outlook of my future. I had allowed it to turn me into a big ball of negativity.  

When I looked in the mirror, I was disgusted because I had allowed myself to turn into something that I know God didn’t want me to be. One day I decided that enough was enough. I was ready to put every single ounce of negativity out of my party. It was my party and I wasn’t letting anyone bring me down. I didn’t need the baggage any longer. I didn’t need the confirmation from others. Why was I looking for others to lift me up and love me when God loves me so dearly. God has always been there waiting for me to call on him. Isaiah 54:17 tells us that "no weapon that is used against us will defeat us." So my question is, why was I letting all of the ugliness defeat me. Why was I allowing it to get me down. When things go array or get you down, we must remember that God has something better. In Isaiah 54:1, God said, “you never felt the pain of giving birth, but you will have more children than the woman who has a husband.” Here God is telling us that just because it seems like it want work, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have a bigger plan for us. Remember that God is powerful than anyone and anything. He can defeat anyone and anything.

When I realized that I was going through life all wrong, it was very eye opening.  It brought clarity because I began to realize how I was wrecking my own life. I was bringing misery to myself. It was time for a change. It was time to be free of life’s obstacles. It was time to build a deeper relationship with God and to trust in him and his word. It was time to end the pity party and have a praise party. It was time for me to do as God said and build my tent bigger and wider. It was time that I take God up on his offer. So, for whoever is reading this, if you don’t take anything out of this post, remember that God has great things for you regardless of your past or current situation. Remember that the victory comes from God himself and no one else.